Can You Love Me Again?
by BlurtItAllOut
Summary: Sequel to I Cried For You. We follow the boys through graduating high school, but more importantly conquering their inner demons and overcoming the obstacles they meet on their way to a happy, fulfilling relationship. This is a story about recovery, progress, growing up, finding yourself, and with a happy ending no matter how dark it sometimes seems.
1. Blaine's Summer

**Hello everyone, and welcome to _Can You Love Me Again?_ This is the sequel to _I Cried For You_, and I strongly recommend reading that first - a lot of what goes on here will not make sense otherwise.**

**Considering I ended _I Cried For You_ on somewhat of a cliffhanger, I've written the first three chapters of this story in advance, and will publish them fairly quickly to be a less cruel author ;) But later, I'll aim for weekly updates.**

**This story is about healing, about making progress, about figuring out yourself, about conquering your demons, and about happy endings. It will be rated M, though, mostly for dark and difficult topics, but also for smut if I don't chicken out. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or are wary about reading this.**

**I hope you'll enjoy the journey! Feedback is always appreciated. And I need to remind you that English is only my third language, so please forgive any bad grammar and weird word-phrasings.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Ryan Murphy.**

* * *

As soon as Blaine's in the air, he can feel his shoulders lower themselves on their own, and the tension in his body is left behind on the ground. It's been two stressful weeks at Dalton after he was discharged from Bellefontaine. He had a lot of catching up to do, and he needed to do as well on his exams as possible. His father wouldn't be happy with mediocre results like B's, hospital stay or not. He'd hoped to be able to spend more time with the boys, simply hanging out and having fun, but it had turned out impossible. He'd obviously seen a lot to his roommate Wes, and he shared several classes with Nick, Jeff and David. But he hadn't seen as much of Kurt as he'd hoped for.

Maybe this summer is what he needs to finally get over Kurt Hummel. Maybe three months in LA with his brother is what he needs. If he manages to avoid texting or calling Kurt, maybe he can get the boy out of his system before they approach their Senior year.

He still wants and needs Kurt as his friend. But he has to stop thinking about him in any romantic sense. Or erotic…

Cooper is waiting for him at baggage claim, meeting him with open arms and a warm hug.

"You look better than expected," he murmurs, still embracing him.

"Is that a compliment?" Blaine asks amused.

Cooper steps back to take him in properly.

"I've worried about he," he admits. "But I'm glad to have you here. This summer is going to be awesome!"

He helps him gather his multitude of suitcases and bags he's packed for the summer, loading it all on a baggage trolley.

"Are you hungry?" he asks when they can see his car.

"Starving," Blaine admits. He'd fallen asleep instantly in his seat, and thus missed out on the meal they served on the seven hours long flight.

They decide to call for pizza they can pick up on their way home.

After having devoured the food, Cooper helps him unpack and get settled in his usual room in the big family house. Somehow, he ends up in Cooper's bed, though, where they daydream about all the plans Cooper has for them while Blaine is in Los Angeles. The 100 pushups a day-challenge is expanded to even include 100 sit ups.

"We're gonna look stunning by the end of this summer, and we'll need bodyguards to save us from the streams of drooling pursuers. Speaking of which, how is that boy of yours doing?"

Blaine swallows heavily, trying to figure out what to say.

"He's fine, I guess."

"Blainey, what's wrong?" Cooper asks sincerely, rolling over to his side and looks imploringly at his brother.

"I think I've made everything up in my mind. He doesn't see me as more than a friend," Blaine says slowly, hoping the words won't feel as overwhelming then, and that it'll keep the tears at bay.

"That's his loss," Cooper curses. "Well, I'm gonna help you forget about him. My baby brother deserves all the happiness in the world. So first rule is to delete his number."

Cooper didn't end his nagging, until he watched Blaine delete all information he had about Kurt from his phone. How he was going to delete the phone number he knew by heart from his brain, Blaine didn't know.

* * *

All in all, it was a pretty great summer. Cooper had to work, and only had a few weeks completely off of the three months Blaine spent in LA. But they made the best out of it.

The first week, Blaine wasted most of the day sleeping, feeling exhausted after the intense exam period in school, and his body demanded complete recovery. He woke up early afternoons, and for breakfast he prepared dinner for Cooper and himself. But after a week, his body claimed to be fully charged, and he could stop being a lazy, stereotypical teenager, and fill his days with more useful habits.

He begins by picking up the guitar he brought, and to dust the piano in the library. He spends hours creating melodies, playing 'till his fingers if not bleed, at least hurt. He's never far from his ratty notebook, where he scribbles down sentences and verses, words that can be sung. He even brings pen and paper to the beach not far from the family house, where he spends time swimming and sunbathing. He itches to tell doctor Whimchester about it, how he's seeking out a public place all by his lonesome, challenging his anxieties, and overcoming them to enjoy his summer. He doesn't talk with anyone, and keeps to himself, but at least he exposes himself. A few guys hit on him over the weeks, but Blaine just blushes and gently turns them down. Even if the attention feels nice, they don't feel right. They can't fill the Kurt-shaped hollow in his heart, and Blaine thinks maybe he needs to fill it on his own.

It isn't as much fun being on the beach alone, when he knows how much fun the two of them can have together whenever his big brother have the time, but he'll beat Cooper in who can get more tan this summer. He'll win the competition, and Cooper will grumble about unfair genetics, just because Blaine takes more after their Italian mother and Cooper is the spitting image of their American dad. Ironically, their father is the one with some colour, while their rheumatic mother is pale and sometimes even almost translucent.

When Cooper has the time, he joins him on the beach, giving him lessons in flirting, and demonstrates with any random young woman passing by. They play tag in the sand like kids, they build castles in the sand, they eat too much ice cream, Cooper has a blast playing his boyfriend when one of the boys from earlier returns, and Blaine is thrown into the water repeatedly by his taller brother.

In the afternoons, when Cooper comes home from work, the brothers watch an indecent amount of movies, or walk down the memory line of childhood and kill hours with old video games. But they also get some serious conversation done, talking about hopes and dreams, Blaine's ghosts, Cooper's fear of never really making it in the business, and their shared issues with their controlling father. They talk about Blaine's future, and how he doesn't want to follow in their father's footsteps, or work in the satellite office in San Francisco he's appointed for him, at all. They talk about what Blaine would like to do after graduation, and how they can convince their parents. Blaine talks about his fear of never being strong enough, his fear of never being able to shake off his insecurities, and his fear of putting himself up for failure if he pursues his dreams. Cooper holds him through his tears, encourages him to not give up, helps him with perspective and tells him how far he's come the last two years, and distracts him when comfort isn't enough. As promised, Cooper takes Blaine to a wide range of theme parks, and they shamelessly let out their inner children.

Blaine spends time on the phone when Cooper is working, chatting with the other four in _The Fabulous Five_, keeping himself updated on their lives and what goes on back in Ohio. He never asks about Kurt, though, and they never tell him anything. He wonders if they've figured out how he feels about Kurt. Felt. How he felt about Kurt. He's moving on, getting over him. That's the plan. It wouldn't surprise him if his friends knew. They know him so well, they know how rarely he lets new people in, they know how guarded he usually is, and they must have seen how he let Kurt straight in to walk all over his heart.

After a month, Nick invites him to his 4th of July-party he's hosting for the Warblers. Blaine would have loved to fly back to Columbus to celebrate with his friends, but he can't. When Cooper negotiated with their parents to have Blaine with him the entire summer, part of the deal had been a family weekend around Independence Day in LA.

The family weekend turned out to be a business occasion, with several of his father's colleagues on the west coast invited for a big barbeque with a hired chef and a whole roasted pig. It took Blaine more than an hour to realize that his father was introducing him to various members of the staff at the satellite office he pictured Blaine interning with in only a year while studying. But when he understood the plot and what the so-called family weekend was a guise for, he sought out his brother, and didn't leave his side. He wasn't strong enough to challenge his father on his own yet, but having Cooper as a buffer helped. Cooper had managed to venture out on his own, following his own dreams and wants, regardless of what their father expected. Cooper had managed the messy separation, and come out the other end stronger and happier. Blaine's not sure how to do that, but he tries. But so far, sitting side by side with his brother, and discussing football while rebelliously nurturing a cold beer he's too young to drink, is the best he can do, ignoring his father and the business talk.

The next day, their father needs to spend the day in various meetings, taking advantage of being on the west coast and doing the rounds, showing his face, discussing plans, and whatever he needs to do. So Blaine spends the day with their mom. He loves her so much, but it's difficult when he is so fearful of his father, or at least of his expectations of him. It's not easy having parents, when you want to spend time with one and avoid the other. But he takes advantage of this day, and takes her to the beach, where she can soak up sun and warmth, maybe soothing some of the chronic pain in her body.

They bring a picnic basket, and spend hours talking, not really about anything important, but still filling the time with kind words. They talk about how she wants to redecorate the kitchen. Redecorating is somewhat of a hobby she worships to wail away some of her time, when she isn't in one of her clubs organizing charity events. His mom is such a cliché, except she's really a sweetheart, and not some evil, spoiled, rich upper class-snob. She married up, and always remembers her background. It baffles Blaine, sometimes, that a man like his father could marry from love, and not strategic connections. She doesn't really understand what Blaine is going through with his anxiety and PTSD, but she understands pain, as it is something she lives with daily.

Back in the house, Blaine plays a piece he's been working on for piano the last weeks. He doesn't add the lyrics; they are way too personal and intimate to be shared like that. But he can share the sad, haunted melody, hoping she can't clearly understand the longing and loneliness that trickles out from the grand piano. Judging by the hug she gives him, she does, though.

"_Bambino_," she murmurs, and kisses his forehead. "You should always play like that," she smiles sadly, her words still framed by an Italian shadow she's never managed to get rid of. "_La passione. Il tuo cuore._ Are you happy, _bebè_?"

"I'm glad you came for the weekend," Blaine smiles disarmingly at her.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," she says, looking disappointed at him, like only a mom can.

"I want to be, Mama, I just don't know how to, yet."

She hugs him then, a surprisingly strong hug from someone as tiny and tender as she is. She makes Blaine look huge next to her, and it isn't only because the hundred sit ups and pushups a day-challenge is working out perfectly.

Their parents leave to go back to Columbus, and the air is somewhat easier to breathe with almost an entire continent between him and their father.

One weekend, Cooper suggests taking his car on a road trip. Blaine happily obliges. They head up north, stopping at every whimsical idea.

"Do we have a destination?" he asks his brother after roughly 200 miles. They packed bags, in case they need to take in on a motel along the road.

"Yes," Cooper grins. "I've always wanted to go to Eureka, and shout that from the top of my lungs."

"Shout what?" Blaine asks confused.

"Eureka!" Cooper grins wider.

Blaine groans, but can't help but laugh. It's so typical Cooper.

"So how far do we have until bellowing?"

"Still more than 400 miles, so I hope you're up for car games."

The next weekend they go to Las Vegas, sneaking Blaine in considering he's underage. Blaine watches as Cooper gambles 100 dollars on various tables. That's all they're going to waste, was their agreement when they got in the car. Cooper ends up winning 40 bucks, so they didn't lose that much, and he gets it all in singles, and takes Blaine to a gay strip club. They see as many shows as possible during the 48 hours they have, and they eat ridiculous amounts of food ordered on room service, just because they can.

All in all, it's a pretty awesome summer. They sing and dance, creating new Anderson bro-numbers that nobody will ever see. Blaine crawls into bed with Cooper the few times he wakes up from nightmares, sleeping tucked close to his brother just like he did when he was a little kid. Cooper finds a nightclub for 18 years and up, and takes him there, but Blaine doesn't enjoy it. It's too crowded, too loud, it reminds him too much of _that_ dance, and he doesn't feel safe. Cooper only wanted to offer him a scene to test the flirting he's been teaching him, but Blaine isn't interested. He's not looking for a summer fling. Just the thought of it makes all his boundaries scream in his face with flashing sirens on. So they leave after an hour, and go to a karaoke bar instead. Blaine refuses to sing on his own, but he doesn't mind doing a duet with his brother. He's not alone in the spotlight then, he can pretend that everyone is really starring at his brother, and Blaine can be the invisible singer.

He can truthfully say he's been happy spending these months with Cooper. He returns to Ohio just a week before he has to be back at Dalton, to sort out his things, do measurements for his school uniform, spend a few days with his mom (his father is thankfully away on business meetings in Chicago), and catch up with his friends before the back to school-madness engulfs them. He feels comfortable in his skin. All the sun, swimming, working out, relaxation and brotherly distractions have done him great favours. He's well rested and recharged. He's ready to attack his last year in high school, and feels sufficiently optimistic about shaping his own future with aid from Cooper, even if it means walking a path that strays far from the highway their father expects him to follow.

The last day before they are going back to Dalton, _The Fabulous Five_ meet at Wes' place for pizza and an Iron Man-marathon – they all appreciate superheroes, and at least three of them really appreciate Robert Downey Jr. Blaine snickers whenever he imagines them as the dapper version of the Avengers. When Nick asks Wes about Kurt's whereabouts in a way that makes it clear that they've tried repeatedly over the summer to include the boy in their social affairs, Blaine is happy to notice that his heart is tamed into obedient submission, and doesn't react to the name mentioned. The hollow feeling in his stomach worries him, though, but he tries to fill it with pizza.


	2. Sebastian's Summer

**Oh my Gosh, I can't believe the whirlwind the last 48 hours have been - I'm so happy and ecstatic that you all are so enthusiastic about following our boys for a second year! Thank you for the trust you show in me and my writing! Next chapter after this is obviously Kurt's summer, for those of you wondering about that, and I'll upload it on approximately 48 hours.**

**Thank you all, for being such darlings!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or have any influence on Ryan Murphy, but I can always dream.**

* * *

Sebastian's parents wants him to join them on their month long vacation in France, to visit his mother's family. They relocated to the States, so that his father could resume his position as state attorney, after living in France for the last four years as a consul in the American embassy. Ohio isn't exactly Sebastian's dream location, but it's where his father got a position, and according to him, exciting things are happening within the field of law in this state. Whatever. Sebastian misses France. The mentality and culture suited him so much better than the narrow-minded hick-town he finds himself in now. He loves spending time with his French grandparents, but he detests his two-years-younger cousin who constantly picks on his French, calling him out on any grammatical error or whenever he can hear the American accent through his French. The snobbish asshole. The idiot can't even speak English well enough to understand Sebastian's insults, which he covers up in polite smirks as he verbally flips him off.

But going back to France also means getting closer to his ghost, and that is not something he will ever be ready for. He tries to prepare the way he knows best, and goes to _Scandals_ to find a few hook-ups over the next days. He goes on his own, for the first time without Dave in a long time, not wanting the responsibility of driving him and keeping an eye on him, when he goes boy-fishing. Fortunately, Dave's on vacation with his family, so Sebastian doesn't have to feel guilty about sneaking to Lima. A few hook-ups should provide ample distraction, get some of his frustration out of the system, and maybe storing up on some skin on skin will keep him grounded. But it doesn't work, and he ends up leaving Lima more annoyed and irritated than anything else on the third night in a row. God, there are no _hommes exceptionnelles_ in this stupid place. And it's not as if he has a lot of gay scenes to try, considering they are far more stricter with carding in Columbus. _Scandals_ is a shithole, but at least they don't give a damn about crappy fake IDs.

He is sulking, and trying to make sense of what to pack in his suitcases, when his phone chirps. It's Dave, who's back from vacation. The Karofsky's had been to some cabin, where they could go fishing and hiking and other activities Sebastian isn't able to imagine as relaxing. He likes his fish prepared in a professional kitchen, and he loves his car. If he can't get somewhere with his car, it probably isn't worth going there in the first place. But apparently Dave loves being there, so Sebastian had patiently listened to his elaborate gushing before the Karofsky's went, but not without ribbing him for some of the family activity program. Playing cards with his dad? Seriously? Sebastian isn't even able to imagine a scenario where he sits down with his father for anything but discussing legal contracts and credit card bills. Or the random "are you still gay?"-interrogations.

Dave wants to meet, and Sebastian is fed up with trying to pack his clothes in a way so that they remain wrinkle free, so he gladly jumps into his car and speeds to Lima, yet again. They spend the day by Dave's deserted old high school, playing with two lacrosse sticks and a ball Sebastian had in his car. It doesn't take long before Dave starts talking, and Sebastian is proud of the boy and how well he's doing at the whole opening up and avoid bottling everything up-thing. They've met up regularly over the summer, hanging out and killing time. Dave is coaching football at a summer camp for kids eight to twelve years old, but his afternoons have usually been wide open, for a bored Sebastian who didn't apply to any jobs because he knew how much it would annoy his father. As if Sebastian needs to work. Let some middleclass teenager who actually needs the money take the job, Sebastian reasons.

They've been to the movies, went to a concert in Columbus, goofed around with different kinds of balls, had dinner together a couple of times far away from the foul Breadstix, and other things Sebastian is enjoying doing with his new friend. One scorching Saturday they lounged in the Karofsky-garden, waiting for Dave's little sister to get sick of the inflatable pool so they could hijack it. Dave's mom had brought them homemade lemonade, and been glad to meet one of Dave's college friends. Sebastian had put on one of his trademark performances, and had been the epitome of mature, polite, charming, classy, and let her continue to believe he would attend OSU with Dave. It had been her first suggestion when she didn't recognize him from McKinley, and details like that really aren't of much importance to Sebastian.

"I almost told Dad," Dave admits, and throws the ball over to Sebastian. "Yesterday, after Mom and Michelle had gone to bed. The last night in the cabin is always sad, and both Dad and I were reluctant for it to end. So we sat outside on the hammock, listening to the peace and watching the coal in the barbeque cool down. He offered me a beer, and gave me this really intense look, you know, and said he was proud of me. He…"

Dave searches for words, and Sebastian walks closer to him, throwing and catching the ball with himself using only one hand.

"He said he'd been worried about me last fall, because I had been so weird for a while. But he saw me shake it off and move on, graduating with a great GPA and being offered a scholarship. I think," Dave swallows, "I think he was talking about when it was really bad between Kurt and me, you know? I think he noticed I was all off back then, and I just wanted to tell him how scared and confused I've been, still am, and how I just want to be honest with him."

"You don't owe him anything," Sebastian shrugs, flipping the ball over to an unexpecting Dave, who still manages to catch it. Nice reflexes!

"He's a great dad. And it feels as if I'm lying to him."

"Have you presented a girlfriend to him?" Sebastian asks pointedly, one eyebrow raised.

"Of course not," Dave scoffs.

"Then you're not lying to him. You're not obligated to tell him everything that goes on in your life, and you tell this when you are ready. Before you send out wedding invitations would be preferable," Sebastian grins.

"Do you think about getting married?" Dave asks curiously.

"I don't do relationships, so that's a hassle I won't have to be bothered with," Sebastian smirks, and runs ahead to give room for a long throw.

Being in France is… He enjoys being with his grandparents, he treats his cousin as if he's swallowed a thesaurus, and takes great pleasure in throwing him off of the English loop, he drinks wine for lunch and has Courvoisier in his coffee, he flirts with all the cute _garçons_, but nothing more happens. He calls Dave at least every other day, and doesn't feel guilty about the phone bill. His parents can simply deal with that later, considering they make him spend a large part of summer feeling haunted.

He doesn't talk about it with Dave, how he keeps expecting to see that face, how he's avoiding a certain street that has a dangerously magnetic pull on him, how he is circling a cemetery he isn't ready to face, and how he fled a café because a former classmate who knew had shown up unexpectedly. But he talks about the weekend in Marseille and the week in Paris, he talks about fresh croissants and strawberries served by handsome men who flirt like second nature, he talks about wine and cheese on the beach with his grandparents, he talks about driving along the coast – and a week later Dave is surprised to find a god damn handwritten postcard in the mail from a tiny village in France, and only Sebastian would choose to rather send a postcard from Condom than from Paris.

In return, he asks Dave to tell him about his college preparations, he wonders if Ohio has discovered culture and civilization yet, he laughs at stories about some of the brats Dave is teaching how to play football, and they're also talking a whole lot of rubbish which baffles Sebastian. He isn't used to having friends he talks with on the phone about nothing in particular. Phone calls have mostly been a medium to deliver short and precise messages, but with Dave it isn't even about killing time, but rather it is sincerely enjoyable.

Back in Ohio, it doesn't take long before he is in his car to Lima and Dave.

One evening finds them alone at the Karofsky's, packing boxes with things Dave wants to take to his dorm room in Columbus.

"I don't know how to do it," he admits silently, while he watches a picture of the entire family.

"Do what?" Sebastian murmurs, studying one of the model planes he hooked down from the ceiling.

"Be gay in Columbus," Dave blurts out, and Sebastian snorts loudly.

"Being gay is a pretty international and straightforward thing. It means you fuck men, or you love men, and some deviants even do both!" Sebastian explains, faking wide eyes and a shocked expression.

"Ha ha ha. You are so funny. No, please stop, I can't take it, my stomach aches," Dave deadpans, looking unimpressed at Sebastian.

"The thing is, _m'Ours_, there's no IKEA user manual on how to _be gay_. Be yourself and do what makes you comfortable, and that's it. If you want to stick a rainbow flag up your _derrière_ to announce your preferences, be my guest. And if you want to be more private, that's fine too. Why don't you take some time to settle down, both with the studies and the Buckeyes?"

"It's just… I've been reading about the different student groups, and they have a gay-straight alliance of sorts." Dave looks helplessly at him, with two DVDs in one hand and a worn teddy bear in the other. He sounds frustrated.

"Hey," Sebastian says, and walks closer. "It isn't mandatory to join those groups just because you're thinking about identifying as gay or peeking out of the closet door." He rests a hand on Dave's shoulder, making sure the boy actually looks at him.

"I'm just thinking about Columbus as a new start for me," Dave mumbles.

"It can be. But you're gonna be there for a few years, right? You don't have to flip everything over at once. But a good place to begin the positive changes, would be to get rid of this," Sebastian grins, deliberately changing the topic to something lighter, and picks up Dave's Titans letterman jacket. He slips his arms into the sleeves. "This doesn't make anyone look good," he groans, arms stretched out to show off the bulky glory. His head snaps up when he hears the sound of a camera, and Dave is grinning at him with his phone out.

"It's not too shabby on you," he insists. He walks closer to Sebastian and adjusts the collar. Sebastian may be slightly taller, but he doesn't have the same body frame, and the jacket does look as if it is room for two in it.

"It's softer than it looks," Sebastian says, and wraps the jacket closer around his torso. "I feel like Danny Zuko when he joined the cross-country team," he grins, and does a few dance moves on the floor, spinning and showing off.

"Bas!" Dave laughs.

"Tell me about it, stud!" Sebastian drawls, and wraps an arm around Dave's waist, pulling him in to dance to the music in his head.

"Is this where I should offer you my class ring, or something?" Dave laughs, and tugs at his jacket on Sebastian.

"You can like it without putting a ring on it," Sebastian replies, and grinds playfully against Dave.

Downstairs, a door bangs closed, and Dave jumps from Sebastian.

"Mom's home," he rushes out, and smiles apologetically. Sebastian shrugs off the jacket, and they continue to pack Dave's stuff.

The next time Sebastian visits, he's brought a surprise for Dave.

"Turnabout is simply fair," he says, and hands him the garment bag. "If you have pictures for blackmail situations, I demand the same right."

Curiously, Dave unzips the bag, and laughs out loud at the sight of the emblazoned blazer. He giggles, but puts on the Dalton blazer without further encouragement. It sits tight over his shoulders, only accentuating how broad and strong they are. Sebastian swiftly pulls out a tie from one of the pockets of the blazer, and ties it with deft fingers.

"Someone cleans up nicely," Sebastian murmurs, before manhandling Dave around to get the right pose for a few pictures.

"Okay, equilibrium restored," he grins, and pockets his phone.

It's really weird having a friend like Dave. Sebastian isn't sure what's going on, he was supposed to be all detached and just get done with high school, and then move somewhere he could mind his own business and be left alone, and creating his own version of happiness. Maybe in Belgium, which is European, a place they speak French, with interesting job opportunities, but without the ghosts. He wasn't supposed to care in Ohio, but Dave is slowly crawling in under his skin, demanding to be seen and heard. And it's not even a burden or an obligation – Sebastian truly enjoys spending time with Dave, and he's actually kind of glad the boy will be even closer this year, studying in Columbus. Sebastian hasn't made any real friends at Dalton, and that's fine, it wasn't part of the plan – graduate with flying colours and have as much funs as possible along the way. But now that he's gotten used to spending time with Dave, he has to admit to himself that it's a habit he enjoys. A Senior year with Dave merely thirty minutes away is going to be awesome. Easy access to college parties, a friend's place to crash at to avoid the awkward morning afters, and a friend to have fun with – what more could he want?


	3. Kurt's Summer

**So, here you have the summer for all of our boys, and thus I'll go back to a more normal publishing cycle, approximately once a week depending on life.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything you might recognize here.**

* * *

"No."

"Absolutely no."

"I don't care that you're 19. You're still living under my roof, and you're still in high school. The answer is and always will be no."

Kurt spends the entire summer trying to convince his dad to let him transfer from Dalton back to McKinley. He acts like the perfect son; doing house chores without being prompted, prepares cookies for the Friday night football game, washes both Carole and Burt's cars, tries to watch an entire game with his dad without reading a magazine, offers to do inventory in the garage, and doesn't play his music too loud. It doesn't help, though. So he tries giving his dad the silent treatment, but he forgot where he got his stubbornness from, and he really isn't good at keeping quiet for long. He tries to initiate calm, reasonable discussions by including his pro et con-list for transferring. He tries everything, except explaining to his dad the truth about how he's spent the last semester taking advantage of Blaine to distract himself when things are rough, and how he's hurt Blaine in the process and needs to get away from him. He feels too guilty to admit it to his dad, and he'd be more than mortified having to talk with him about sex.

The worst thing is that his dad has plenty of rational and sensible reasons for not letting him transfer. Karofsky wasn't the only bully, in fact he'd calmed down his behaviour by the time Kurt tried to commit suicide, and seemed to avoid the boy more than anything else. So a lot of Kurt's bullies are still at McKinley. At Dalton, he has protection. He's also in the middle of an individual arrangement, thanks to one Coach Sue Sylvester, allowing him to finish his Senior year in two years, and it'll be difficult to transfer that generous possibility to McKinley.

Finally Burt reminds him that being in Congress requires his presence in Washington, so he'd feel calmer with Kurt in Westerville instead of Lima. Even though Carole has cut down on her shifts to spend time with Burt in DC, he still earns more than enough in office to manage the tuition. They aren't even paying full tuition, after Coach Sylvester somehow managed to land a deal with the Dalton administration that a student not studying 100 per cent shouldn't pay 100 percent either.

So Kurt has no other choice but to return to Dalton, and he'll simply have to do his best to make it up for Blaine by keeping out of his hair.

When Kurt finally admits defeat, he finds himself more able to enjoy his summer break. He spends a lot of time with his Lima friends, and he has a long and heartfelt conversation with Mercedes, who's been acting distant and jumpy ever since he was discharged from Bellefontaine. Turns out, she's been feeling guilty for not noticing. If there's one thing Kurt can understand, it is guilt, and they clear a lot of air. In the process, they rekindle the old friendship they had, and Kurt knows for certain that they'll stay in touch even though she's moving all the way to LA to pursue a record deal. He had assumed they'd drift from each other, with how distant she's been. But by the time summer ends, they're more or less back to how they used to be. He doesn't tell her everything about Blaine, and it's difficult to explain how it feels to be depressed. But they talk, they dare to ask some of the more difficult questions, and a lot of issues are solved.

Kurt is actually having quite a social summer, spending time with his family and friends, catching up, joining the various farewell-parties throughout the summer before the graduates are moving away. Nick invites him to a 4th of July-party. Kurt weasels out the information that Blaine won't be there before accepting the invitation. If he has to spend one more year at Dalton, he might as well make the best of it, and he genuinely likes the boys.

* * *

He goes to the mall, alone, and seeks out the tiny store where Carole bought him a couple of cuffs to cover his scars. He loves them, but the thick leather is sweaty and hot in the warm summer weather, and he's looking for something more seasonal appropriate. He's even thinking about wearing short-sleeved shirts, if he can trust that no one can see his shame.

He recognizes Charlie from his first venture to the tattoo-store, even though his purple Mohawk is now a bald head, but doesn't expect him to recognize Kurt after all these months. The way he smiles, though, is either outstanding customer interaction or recognition.

"Hi there, looking for more cuffs?" he smiles, and nods at Kurt's leather-wrapped wrists. "Or a piercing? Maybe a tattoo? You look like an edgy kind of guy," he smiles sincerely.

"Oh, no, no piercing," Kurt waves disarmingly, trying not to offend a guy with at least seven rings and studs in his ears. He navigates towards the glass display with the cuffs, and Charlie follows him silently, unlocking the cabinet so Kurt can take out whatever catches his eyes.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" he asks after letting Kurt roam the display visually for a couple of minutes.

"I was hoping to find something less clammy and smothering," Kurt tries to explain the feeling of sweaty leather clinging to his skin.

"Something more suitable for hot summer days?" Charlie asks knowingly, and Kurt nods in relief. "Well, personally I prefer to go bare at this time of year, also to prevent ugly tan lines," he says, and wiggles his naked wrists in demonstration. "But we have some textile cuffs that might interest you?"

Kurt wants to facepalm; how could he not think of cuffs made of any sorts of fabric himself? He used to make clothes, for goodness sake, he should be able to design a few simple and light cuffs.

Not to be impolite, he surveys the display Charlie extricates for him from the cabinet, and it's almost a relief when none of them really scream for Kurt's attention. He can most definitely make better ones at home. It has to be like riding a bike, sitting behind a sewing machine again, right?

Like a train wreck, Kurt is unable to avoid throwing quick glances at Charlie's wrists, where pale white lines mar the otherwise tan skin. They're impossible not to see, for anyone. Blaringly obvious. It makes something crawl under Kurt's skin. He blushes and ducks his head in embarrassment when he catches Charlie smirking at him, eyes still trained on the clerk's wrists.

"I'm sorry," Kurt murmurs, and backs away to get out of the store and the awkwardness.

"Do you have five minutes?" Charlie asks before Kurt can completely fly the scene of humiliation.

"Yes?" he answers, forehead scrunching up in wrinkles he'd normally hate.

"Hold on a sec," Charlie grins, and disappears behind a partition curtain. Behind it, Kurt can hear muffled conversation. Soon after, Charlie reappears, followed by a cute Asian girl. She's wearing a tank top, and showing off her inked sleeves. "Lani will man the store while we go for coffee," Charlie nods, and gestures for Kurt to follow him.

"Umm," is everything Kurt can say. Charlie leads them to a coffee shop one floor up, right above the tattoo parlour. He orders a lemonade for himself, and by gentle prodding an iced mocha for Kurt.

"Do my scars intrigue you?" Charlie asks without preamble as soon as they've sat down by a table in a secluded corner – or as secluded as it can be in a large mall.

"I'm so sorry for starring, I didn't mean to offend you," Kurt cringes.

"Drink your coffee before it gets hot," Charlie prods, and takes a generous sip from his own cardboard cup. "And I don't mind. I'm not bothered by my scars."

"So… You don't mind that people can see them?"

"Why should I?" Charlie shrugs. "A lot of people have scars. Some from falling off a bike, some from slipping on ice, and some have scars like you and me."

"But seeing them… Everyone knows what you've done," Kurt whispers, trying not to scratch at his own scars.

"They're my battle wounds. We've all got pains. But for some of us they're more visible."

"You wore cuffs the last time I was here, though," Kurt prods.

"I like cuffs. I like colourful sneakers and one-of-a-kind belt buckles too," Charlie shrugs, and then leans in on the table closer to Kurt. "Look, I don't mean to preach, it just looked as if you could need someone to talk with. I know my scars make people uncomfortable, so yes, sometimes I cover them up in cuffs to do them a favour. But I'm not afraid to meet my own reflection in the mirror, and that's what's important."

Kurt chews on his bottom lip, almost tasting the blood. He slowly spins the cardboard between his hands, and the cuff catches on the edge of the table.

"I'm ashamed," he whispers, avoiding Charlie's eyes. "They remind me of a really low point in life. They remind me of everyone I hurt. They remind me of all the pain. Friends and family who know already look at me differently. I don't want to give them a further excuse. I don't want any more people to know."

"When did it happen?"

"This November."

"The wounds are still fresh," Charlie smiles sadly. "Wanna know what my scars tell me?" He continues when Kurt nods. "They remind me how strong I am and how far I've come. They're a constant reminder of the dark times, because I need to remember them to see what a great life I'm living now. Give it time. Do what you need in the healing process, but you should never have to feel ashamed of surviving."

* * *

Charlie's words give Kurt food for thought throughout the rest of the summer. He still hooks up the sewing machine he hasn't used in almost a year, and rummages through his basket of fabric swatches and leftovers from former projects. He makes a few thinner cuffs. But he makes one of them in the rainbow colours, as a reminder to himself. He tries to believe again the words he once shouted after Karofsky – being gay made him different, and being different was the best part of him. He's not sure how he wants to be seen, who he wants to be perceived as – but maybe the opinion from the reflection in the mirror is more important than the random customer in his dad's garage or the summer-barista in the Lima Bean. He still tries to protect his friends and family from seeing the scars, though.

One evening right before he has to go back to Dalton, in defeat, he sits by his vanity rubbing an assortment of lotions into his thin and scarred skin, trying to do what he can to make it look less revolting and upsetting. Not surprisingly, Vogue doesn't dedicate a lot of skin care-advice to suicide survivors.

There's a knock to his door, and he calls out a soft "enter!" while capping the bottles in a rush. He tugs down the sleeves on his PJ as Finn steps in with two mugs of warm, slightly spiced milk.

"What the hell are you doing?" Finn asks scandalized, looking as if he walked in on Kurt having fun with porn. Kurt would recognize the look, having had the unpleasant surprise of walking in on Finn a couple of times when he's mistaken the muffled "yeah!" for permission to enter. "Are you covering up for _me_?" Finn asks, sounding hurt.

Kurt looks at his hands, covered in sleeves so just a few of his fingertips are visible. He then looks at the cuffs on the vanity. His hand twitches, wanting to reach out for them.

"Do you sleep with those on?" Finn asks, walking towards Kurt and the vanity.

"No," Kurt admits.

"Then there's no need to put them on now."

Finn more or less shoves one of the mugs into Kurt's hands, and sits down on the edge of the bed not far from him. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a long time, sipping at the warm milk.

"Can I see?" Finn finally breaks the silence, placing the mug on the floor. Finn must have poured the mugs too full, and spilled some on his way to Kurt's room, with milk tracks down the sides. Kurt picks it up before it can stain the carpet, and places it on a wet wipe instead. He pretends to not understand Finn's question, though.

"Please let me see your hand?" Finn repeats.

With a sigh, Kurt extends his hand. Finn tugs the sleeve up to his elbow, and just looks at his underarm for a long time. Kurt tries not to squirm. Finally, Finn brushes a finger over the slightly raised skin, and a painful, cold shiver runs through Kurt.

"I'm so fucking glad you're here," Finn says with determination and a ferocious intensity. Kurt finally meets his eyes, and there are tears in all four of them.

* * *

The last Saturday before Senior year in high school for some of them and Freshman year in college for the rest, Kurt and Finn throw a party in their home. Carole and Burt are in Washington, and gave the boys permission for a low key-party. And it is – no one need to start their new school year with a hangover, and it's a time for both reminiscing and moving on. Rachel still insists on a traditional round of spin the bottle, though.

Kurt participates half-heartedly, not quite understanding why it is so important to mack on as many friends as possible. But he plays along, being a good sport. His lips have made contact with various areas of face on both Tina, Mercedes, Mike and Artie. Quick, innocent pecks, really nothing to feel neither embarrassed nor excited about. They don't mean anything, they don't count for anything.

Sam gives the bottle a flick, and it spins slowly around and around, until it lands with its neck pointing clearly at Kurt. He smiles crookedly at him, and shuffles on his knees to get closer to Kurt. Kurt looks expectantly at him. This is the boy he had a crush on, this is a boy who declined to be gay, but turned out to be bi. This will be a kiss that in some kind of degree counts. Brittany most definitely does not count. Even though he swings the right way, he doesn't want Karofsky's kiss to matter. Then there's Blaine… Kurt thinks he might need a kiss from Sam, to add to the collection, and to stop looking at what he shared with Blaine with such great importance. Just because the boy was his first real kiss, he shouldn't be so hung up on him.

Sam cups his cheek, and Kurt does what he's wanted to for a long time – he grabs a fist of Sam's blonde hair, and pulls him in closer. It isn't the sweet peck he shared with Tina. This is intent and determination. Their lips mould together, dancing and duelling, until Kurt gasps and Sam slips his tongue inside his mouth. With a loud wet sound, Sam ends the kiss, and winks at Kurt. Kurt smiles shakily back, but inside he's falling apart.

Mercedes looks at him strangely, and Kurt briefly thinks about the times she's gushed about her boyfriend's lips. But this was just a game! She wrinkles her forehead, tilts her head, and silently mouths if everything is okay. He shrugs, it's really the best answer he can give. She suggests loudly putting on the DVD with New Direction's performances from the last years, and Kurt could kiss her in gratitude. Rachel is instantly on her feet, pulling Finn with her to help her connect the DVD-player to her laptop. Kurt makes a transparent excuse about geting more to drink in the garage, and slips outside. There, he sinks down on the bench on the porch. It doesn't even take two minutes, before someone opens the door. He expects it to be Mercedes. It is Sam.

"Mercedes suggested I should talk with you. Are you… Did I do anything wrong?"

Kurt looks up at the boy, and that's when he realizes that he's crying.

"No," he shakes his head and sniffs.

Sam exhales in relief, and slips down next to him.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Kurt sits still, thinking, for a long time, and Sam lets him take his time. He thinks about kissing Sam, which was pleasant and nice. Kind of exciting, too, getting to kiss a crush, even though it's a past crush. It was a good kiss, and Sam had made it sweet and nice.

But then there's the simple memory of kissing Blaine, that makes his heart stutter, and all the butterflies in the world gather in his tummy for an epic battle of wings. Just thinking about it makes him blush, makes him want to cry, makes him want to grin like a fool, makes him long for more, makes him feel petrified.

Kissing Sam helped him realize something he wasn't aware of until now.

"I'm in love with Blaine," he says softly.

"I'm happy for you!" Sam beams. "It's good news for Blaine too."

Kurt shakes his head in defeat. He broke Blaine's heart, and now he will have to break his own heart as well.

"No. I can't be with him," he murmurs sadly.


	4. Apologetic

**I know I'm behind on answering to previous reviews, but I'll get to them - they were so many, I can't believe it! I'm so grateful for people reading this story, and whenever you leave a comment it helps me become a better writer. So thank you!**

**Please remember that I haven't seen the latest Glee episodes, so please respect my wish to be spoiler free.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you might recognize, Glee ain't mine.**

* * *

Being back at Dalton feels surprisingly normal. Kurt is still rooming with Jeff, who almost knocked all the air out of his lungs with his welcome back-hug. He offers to help Kurt unpack, and he gladly accepts. He's brought more of his belongings than he did back in January. It isn't merely because he knows he has to stay for an entire year now. It's also because he sincerely wants to have more of his life and personality at Dalton. He feels braver, more confident, more comfortable now than when he first transferred. He isn't as afraid of showing who he is. He has true friends in the school. After Kurt had to admit defeat in the quest of convincing his dad to let him transfer back to McKinley, Kurt chose to embrace the idea of spending another year at Dalton and make the best out of it. It's not that he doesn't enjoy the school, and if it hadn't been for the mess with Blaine, he'd agree that Dalton is a better school than McKinley in every single way.

During the summer, he stopped completely wearing sweats and oversized t-shirts. He went back to his old fashionable self, and went shopping at the mall with Tina and Mercedes a couple of times. Jeff invited him on a shopping date with Nick in Columbus, and Kurt's dad had been so happy to see him acting like his old self, that he gladly gave him extra shopping money. Kurt was so grateful, he didn't even know how to repay him, but Burt had gruffly said he'd be happy as long as Kurt kept smiling.

So now he's brought his skinnies, a variety of shirts and sweaters, even a skirt, a load of scarves and brooches, seven pair of shoes, and other treasures from his wardrobe. He intends to spend as little time in the uniform as possible, and his days of hiding in Finn's clothes are over. Jeff helps him unpack, and gushes over some of the items, making Kurt preen as if he'd designed them himself. So sue him; he loves his clothes. He knows he'll have to reorganize everything after Jeff's help, but he wants to add his own touch to his half of the room first – posters, pictures, important books and DVDs, the childhood teddy he's unable to part with, and some memorials. He adds a small mirror on top of his dresser, and unashamedly places all his hair and skincare-products. There's not enough room in their tiny, shared bathroom anyway.

Kurt Hummel is back.

If experience taught him one thing before this summer, it is to not postpone important things. He didn't manage talking with Blaine, as he really wanted to, because Blaine slipped away and left for LA as soon as his exams were done. It's about time to take the bull by the horns. When Jeff excuses himself to go out for dinner with Nick as a last date before classes begin, Kurt smiles in relief, and gets ready to see Blaine. He knows the other boy is back at Dalton, as Jeff had let it slip earlier.

He's not quite sure why, but he changes out of his sweaty and crinkled from moving in-clothes and restyles his hair, before he leaves to find Blaine. He hopes he still has the same room, otherwise he doesn't know where to look for him.

Kurt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, raises his hand slowly, and lets his knuckles fall heavily three times against the door. He counts slowly to sixty, just like his dad once taught him, without anything happening. He raises his fist once more, and then the door opens.

"Hi!" Kurt greets dumbly, hand still raised in a fist by his face.

"Kurt, it's good to see you!" Blaine beams.

"Is Wes here?"

"Oh, no," Blaine says, and it aches in Kurt's stomach when he sees how Blaine's face falls. "He is helping David set up his room. I'm not sure the two of them know how to do things separately. I'm sure you can find him…"

"I came to see you," Kurt interrupts, because he can't stand watching Blaine look sad.

"You did? Come in!"

Blaine steps aside, and Kurt slips inside, letting Blaine close the door behind them. They stand still, looking at each other for a long time.

"Welcome back," Blaine says awkwardly, and it almost sounds like a question. Kurt tries to smile reassuringly at him. He wants to offer him a hug, but it doesn't seem like the appropriate thing to do, so he keeps his arms firmly tucked in his pockets, looking hesitantly at Blaine. Blaine chews on his lip, and seems as if he doesn't know what to do.

"How was your summer?" Blaine finally asks.

"It was fine; I'll tell you more later. There's something I really need to say to you, Blaine."

"You sound serious."

"Please sit down," Kurt almost begs, and gestures at Blaine's made bed and his office chair. Blaine chooses the latter, for which Kurt is glad. The bed isn't exactly neutral territory. He remains standing on the floor, trying to hold himself together by clutching his arms tight to his body, hands with a firm grip on his elbows.

"I had prepared an entire speech I was going to give you after your last exam, but then you'd already left, and now I can't remember a single sentence," Kurt chuckles humourlessly.

"I never heard from you all summer," Blaine says softly. It doesn't sound like an accusation, but it feels like one.

"I know, I know. I wanted to give you… I thought we needed this summer apart, I didn't want to…"

"Kurt?"

Kurt huffs frustrated, and licks his lips.

"I was told that you have feelings for me," Kurt says softly, deciding to just bite the bullet, and get it all out. "I didn't know that. I didn't know you could see us as more than friends." He shushes Blaine, who takes a deep breath as if to say something. "Please, let me finish." Blaine nods, and Kurt continues. "I feel awful for how I treated you last semester. I came to you whenever I had a bad day to be distracted from it all by… Sex," Kurt whispers, and nods towards the bed. "I used you like a toy when I needed a game to cheer me up. And I'm so, so sorry, Blaine," Kurt pleads. "I never stopped to consider what you thought about this, I never thought about your feelings and needs. I took advantage of you. I exploited you. I ignored you. I hurt you. And I feel truly, deeply, madly, awfully ashamed. I… I don't know what to say, I promise my speech was much better before summer. But the gist of it was I feel awful, I'm so sorry, I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I need to apologize. I…"

Kurt blinks several times, trying to stop the tears. Blaine has been sitting obediently still during Kurt's monologue, but now he's up on his feet. He wraps Kurt up in a tight hug, rocking him gently from side to side as Kurt works hard to compose himself.

"There's nothing to forgive. You haven't done anything wrong," Blaine murmurs softly. Kurt doesn't believe him. He remembers Blaine telling him he loved him, and he answered something along the line of how glad he was to be his friend. Friendzoning him, it got to hurt. And how has Blaine felt whenever they've kissed, cuddled, gotten off together? If there are feelings in the equation, it must have been difficult and painful for him. Kurt is the biggest jerk to walk this planet.

"I hurt you," Kurt sniffs.

"I'm doing so much better now, I'm okay," Blaine insists. "It's not as if you forced me into anything. I'm a big boy, I could have said no, I could have told you things were complicated, I could have checked with you to make sure I wasn't reading more into it that it was," Blaine murmurs, still holding Kurt.

Kurt doesn't quite believe him. Blaine, sweet, generous Blaine, would he really have said no when Kurt came to him on an off-day and needed distraction? Blaine is more selfless than selfish. Kurt also notices how Blaine doesn't object to Kurt saying he hurt him, which can only mean that it was true. Kurt caused Blaine pain.

"I can't go back in time and change what I did, but I promise I'll make it up to you. I tried to transfer, but dad wouldn't let me, so I have to be here. But I'll stay away from you, I'll take other classes, I'll quit the Warblers, I'll do everything I can do to give you some peace and quiet," Kurt rambles, almost working himself up to a frenzy.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Blaine exclaims surprised, expressing himself with one of the really rare times he turns to swearing. He grabs Kurt by the shoulders, backing him with outstretched arms until he can see him clearly.

"I want to make things easier for you. Staying out of your life sounds wise," Kurt shrugs.

"You're such an idiot," Blaine smiles fondly. "And what was that about transferring?"

He guides Kurt over to his bed, and they sit down side by side. Kurt grabs a pillow, hugging it close to his torso, and explains how he tried to convince his dad to transfer back to McKinley.

"I'm glad you're still here," Blaine says solemnly. "You're one of my best friends, of course I want you in my life. You are not quitting Warblers. You are taking the classes you want, regardless of who else is there. And you are not going to avoid me. Were you doing that back when I was discharged from Bellefontaine, and this summer?"

Kurt nods, somehow feeling embarrassed.

"Don't do that again, okay?" Blaine says softly, his bottom lip quivering. "I missed you. I need Kurt in my life."

"But…" Kurt gestures helplessly. "your feelings must complicate things."

"Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But that's my burden. I'll deal with it. I am dealing with it. I may have spent the summer trying to get over you, romantically. Does that sound cruel? I still need and want you as a friend."

"It's not cruel," Kurt gives him a tiny smile. "I'm flattered that you felt like that about me. You're a really great guy. Maybe in a different life, with different circumstances. But in this life we're meant to be friends."

"And we can be the best friends ever," Blaine grins, and nudges his shoulder against Kurt's. Kurt chuckles, but nods.

"I'd like that."

"So, promise me you won't make any sacrifices or make any choices based on anything but how you want your Senior year at Dalton to be? Don't treat me like something in dire need of bubble wrap, okay?"

"Deal," Kurt finally agrees, and extends a hand to shake on the agreement.

* * *

Back in his room, Kurt crawls into his bed and hides under the covers. Knowing Jeff is still out on his date, he finally lets his tears flow.

Blaine is without doubt the most amazing human being Kurt has ever met. He is intelligent, witty, kind, caring, passionate, charming, polite, can sass with Kurt better than most others, has a geeky strike that is kind of endearing, has impeccable manners, and is the most gorgeous male that Kurt has ever laid eyes on. If things were different, he'd be the man of his dreams, he'd be the perfect boyfriend.

But as it is, Kurt isn't worthy of Blaine. Kurt is a broken, hollow fragment of who he used to be. Yes, Christy has through the therapy sessions helped him see that he's doing much better than he did a year ago. But he still has his demons. He's still wary of strangers, he avoids crowded rooms, he doesn't want to draw attention to himself, he tiptoes around in his life, he has ugly scars on his arms, he's jumpy and moody, he still has nightmares, and some days he doesn't know how to get out of bed, some days he doesn't know why he bother fighting.

He'll graduate high school, because his dad wants him to. But there's no other future for him than to stay under his dad's roof and work at Hummel Tires & Lube. He no longer has any dreams, and he isn't strong enough to move out and conquer the world on his own. He's a failure, a sorry excuse for an almost grown up young man.

He's the furthest you can get from the boyfriend Blaine deserves. Kurt is flattered that Blaine fell for him, but the human heart is known to do irresponsible and confusing things. Kurt is still trying to accept the newly found insight that he has fallen in love with Blaine. He can deal with that. He can only hope Blaine really has moved on, and can find happiness somewhere else, find someone he actually deserves, someone who is good enough for him. Blaine should have only the best.

And Kurt is honoured that Blaine still wants to be his friend. That's more than he deserves.


	5. Better Than Nothing

**I know some of you are impatient to see the boys together - but I have a plan, I'm not writing on random and through whimsical ideas popping up. I know what's going to happen, I know how and when the boys will finally be together. I have even written the chapter where it happens. So please have patience, their relationship would never work or be healthy if I forced them together before they are truly ready to be someone's boyfriend. **

**When that is said, I appreciate feedback and thoughts on my writing. I have promised a happy ending in this universe - and I can promise happiness before we reach the ending.**

**I'm in a good steam with a lot of time for writing (probably because I've been ordered to sit still by the doctor), so look, I update even if it hasn't been a week yet!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything else you recognize.**

* * *

They've been back in school for more than a month, and things are okay. Blaine and Kurt have managed to establish a certain peace treaty, where Kurt doesn't beg for forgiveness anymore, and isn't allowed to do anything for Blaine to make up for the past semester. Blaine accepts a cup of coffee now and then, but makes sure to bring Kurt coffee in return. He gently steers Kurt into acting like a friend, and not a guilt trip. Blaine must be the most selfless person ever, and knowing how he hid the hurt, Kurt worries if he's holding back and pretending things are better than he lets Kurt know. But Blaine doesn't let him shy away, seeking him out and wanting to spend time with him. Kurt tries to hang out with the complete Fabulous Five, and minimize the one-to-one time he has with Blaine, but it's difficult, especially because they both appreciate the conversations they only have in private.

Classes are hard, but manageable so far. Finishing math, biology and French last semester, means Kurt has a more lenient schedule than the other Seniors. He spends the free hours alternating napping and studying. It's still difficult to concentrate for a long span of time, and thus his school work takes longer to complete. Christy has explained to him how being depressed and recovering from that is a process that drains energy. He needs breaks to clear his mind, and he often ends up in the park for a breath of fresh air. Kurt smiles happily when he sees Blaze, also known as Inferno, for the first time after summer. The dog pops up randomly, but seeing him never fails to put a warm smile to Kurt's face. Talking with and petting the dog is almost like therapy.

The Warblers are in full swing, preparing for Sectionals already. While at McKinley Kurt learns from Puck that the New Direction isn't even done with auditions for new team members. Of course. Kurt is happy to sing in the background, just being part of the wall of sound. He has no desire to be seen or heard. It's easier to stay out of trouble and heartbreak that way.

The Council, which now consists of Wes, David and Sebastian, decides they need a back to school-party to get to know each other better. They have several new members, and the Council says they believe they all will sound and dance more harmoniously and in better unison if they feel more comfortable with each other. And of course alcohol is the ice breaker.

Obviously, they aren't allowed to drink on school grounds. But the party will still be held in the Warblers' room. Kurt isn't sure how they are going to pull through with a stunt like that, but he also suspects it isn't the first time happening. Mr. Dalton lives on school grounds, to keep an eye on them during weekends, and to be a grown up responsible for them. Kurt wonders if he's the kind of cool teacher who lets them have a party as long as they don't exaggerate things – or if they have to worry about his sudden appearance.

Kurt decides it isn't his bush to beat – he doesn't care if he's caught and it gets on his record. It's not as if he's applying to any colleges, and he thinks it'll be nice to inhale some alcohol and finally relax. It's been a couple of stressful weeks, he isn't entirely acclimated to the abrupt change from a laidback summer with little brain activity, to a busy schedule at a prestigious and demanding high school.

"Are you done?" Jeff calls teasingly through the half open bathroom door.

"Perfection takes time."

"Are you trying to impress someone?" Jeff teases, leaning against the doorframe.

"Hardly," Kurt scoffs.

"If you say so," Jeff grins. "Nick texted me, he's on his way. He'll be here in a couple of minutes. With the bottles," he says pointedly.

"What kind of big brother does Nick have, who thinks it's okay to fix three highschoolers with booze, one of which he hasn't even ever met?"

"A cool one!" Jeff deadpans.

* * *

The three walk together from the dormitories to the party. Kurt drops by the bathroom next to the Warblers' room to make sure he still looks pristine, hair not destroyed in the slight breeze, scarf still effortlessly draped, and cuffs sufficiently covering up his scars. He's wearing a short sleeve, so he has no backup to hide behind tonight. The trio did shots in their room before leaving, and he can feel he's beginning to feel sufficiently warm and carefree.

As soon as he opens the door to the party, he's met by a thick wall of pounding beat. He's actually impressed by how soundproof the walls are, if he had to open the door before hearing the loud music. It must be a perfect room for the Warblers to rehearse, and to party. They'll hardly be noticed behind the thick, solid walls.

Nick hands him a cup with a mixed drink – vodka and soda, basic and efficient, as far as he knows. He downs half the large cup in one go, he needs some liquid courage if he's supposed to let go and have fun in a room with so many people he doesn't know.

"Kurt!" Blaine chirps, and comes skipping over to Kurt, a bottle of beer in one hand. He wraps Kurt up in a tight one-armed hug. "This party is amazing!" Blaine gushes.

Kurt laughs, and downs the rest of his drink. He needs to catch up, obviously.

"Dance with me," Blaine shouts, bobbing his head from side to side, and moving his feet on the spot.

Kurt laughs, but shakes his head. He isn't drunk enough to dance yet. Someone might see him. He gestures with his empty cup at Blaine, and nods towards the table where the Duval-bottles are. Blaine bobs his head happily, and follows Kurt like a bouncy puppy. Kurt stares at the bottles, trying to decide between bottles and options. He's never mixed drinks before.

"I'm no Brian Flanagan, but may I serve you?" Blaine winks, taking Kurt's cup out of his hands. "You need a little of this," he says, pouring not more than two mouthfuls of soda, "and some more of this," he adds five or six ice cubes, "and a lot of this," he grins, filling most of the cup with some vodka.

Kurt accepts the cup presented with flourish, and takes a sip.

"Oh shit, this is strong," he coughs. He sips carefully at it again. "Yeah, this needs diluting, even I know that." He tops it off with more soda, until there's a convex membrane over the cup rim. Through a straw, he sips slowly until he can lift the cup without risking spilling all over his hand.

Blaine leans against the wall next to him, watching him drink, and tells him a story that isn't making much sense. It's something about a coop, a casino and a stripper. A male stripper, giving his brother a lap dance?

"Come on, let's dance," Blaine whines, and yanks at Kurt's hand when he puts his suddenly empty cup down on the table. Blaine finished his beer long time ago.

They find a rhythm matching the beat of the music, hands resting not so innocently on waists, legs slotted closer than probably appropriate. A voice in the back of Kurt's head is telling him that this might not be a good idea, while a much louder voice is telling him to have fun. Blaine is over him and old enough to make his own decisions, he doesn't need Kurt babysitting him.

"You look amazing in this shirt," Blaine murmurs into his ear.

Kurt's heart stutters, and the responsible voice reminds him that this is not a very good idea.

"I'm hot," Kurt excuses, extricating from Blaine to get a drink.

"Yeah," Blaine exhales soundlessly, and Kurt rolls his eyes at him.

He makes a new drink, less strong than the one Blaine slumped together.

"Kurt, you need to dance with us!" Jeff yells excitedly, and without waiting for an answer, he shoves Kurt towards a group of boys who are jumping up and down to the music. Nick, David and Sebastian are among them. Kurt grins, waves awkwardly, and tries to jump without spilling his drink. Much.

* * *

Several drinks and even more songs later, Kurt's feet are heavy and sore, and he slumps down in a couch in a far corner, nursing a cup with nothing but ice and water. He's hot and sweaty, a bit dizzy from all the dancing, the alcohol makes him feel as if he's floating, and his stomach aches from laughing so much.

"There you are," Blaine coos, and sits down on the armrest next to him. "Are you having fun?"

"Yes," Kurt giggles.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I don't remember!" Kurt cracks up.

"Oh, that's precious," Blaine laughs, so hard that he slides down from the armrest, landing on Kurt's lap. "Ups," he smiles impishly. He wraps a hand around the back of Kurt's neck, and Kurt rests an arm across Blaine's thighs.

Slowly, Blaine leans in, and with a final flicker of his eyes to Kurt's, he closes the distance. There is nothing sweet and hesitant to this kiss. Blaine nibbles at Kurt's bottom lip, and slides his tongue in as soon as Kurt gasps. It's wet and messy, and thrilling from toes to coif.

"Blaine," Kurt gasps, cradling Blaine's face with both hands to be able to separate. "Is this a good idea?"

"It's the best idea," Blaine nods enthusiastically. "You're gorgeous. This is awesome," he murmurs, and leans in to kiss him again.

"You think I'm gorgeous?" Kurt asks, disbelief colouring his voice.

"The gorgeousest," Blaine nods determinedly. "You, with all your… And you're just so… And whenever you… Yeah, you're stunning. I want you. I want you so badly," he slurs against Kurt's lips.

The tiny, whiny responsible voice in Kurt's brain is quickly drowned out by the other voice; the voice that preens under the attention, the voice that longs for something good in life, the voice that is all too aware of how much he loves Blaine, and aided by one drink too many thinks this is a good idea. Because Blaine is hot and willing in his lap, and Kurt would have to be a lesbian to not want this. He can't be Blaine's, but this way he can at least have something temporary with Blaine. He's just borrowing a slice of happiness from faith.

"Want you too," Kurt whispers into his mouth.

"We should always kiss. And go on dates. And have fun together," Blaine beams, separating their lips just enough to get the words out.

"No," Kurt shakes his head adamantly, head all of a sudden seeming clearer by the sound of the dreaded D-word. "No dates, just kissing. Doesn't mean a thing."

"Whatever you want," Blaine exhales, and kisses him more thoroughly.

* * *

Blaine wakes up slowly, fading back to consciousness. He feels like a college cliché, with his pounding headache, dry mouth, heavy eyelids and queasy stomach. And he doesn't recognize the bed sheets.

He closes his narrow eyes again. The damn sun is scorching his retinas, through the wide open curtains. He focuses on breathing slowly, and sort his muddled impressions into a clearer picture. It doesn't really take long; he realizes like a lightning strike what happened. He doesn't remember much. But he remembers enough.

He remembers kissing Kurt in a secluded corner of the Warblers' room. He remembers Sebastian suddenly sitting on the table in front of the couch, winking saucily at them, and mentioning something about getting a room. He remembers running hand in hand back to the dormitories. He remembers leaning against one of the ancient trees while Kurt kissed him thoroughly. He remembers undressing, and Kurt insisting on keeping the cuffs on. He remembers more kissing. He remembers somehow going down on Kurt. He remembers the heavy and heady feeling on his tongue, he remembers the stretch and the taste. He remembers Kurt's sounds, he remembers feeling an odd mix of powerful and tender. And then he doesn't remember more.

He moves carefully, not wanting to jostle Kurt awake, and yeah, he has a dried sticky situation. He's not sure if that should worry him or not. He's not sure what he's feeling at all.

It seems to be pretty obvious that his efforts at getting over Kurt, moving on and maintaining a platonic friendship are shot to hell. He makes a mental note not to drink that much ever again. He needs to be in control, something he obviously wasn't last night.

Kurt groans, squeezing his eyes tighter shut. Blaine holds his breath, waiting for what will happen now. But Kurt simply stretches his body, before curling up again. He tugs Blaine closer to his body, holding around him, and is - as far as Blaine can tell - as naked as he is, except for the cuff-clad wrist resting on Blaine's stomach.

Blaine forces himself to breathe regularly, calmly, and lies awake in Kurt's arms, soaking up as much of the embrace as possible. He will not cry. He chose this himself. He remembers Kurt saying no to dates. He remembers Kurt questioning what they were about to do. He remembers a lot from last night, actually. He remembers being unable to stay away from Kurt, he remembers feeling so in love, so attracted to him, and when Kurt had kissed him back it had made him feel wanted, cherished, accepted. It's not something he often feels, but always craves. So drunken Blaine decided this was okay. A hung over version of Blaine is tempted to agree. He can't fool himself – he is in love with Kurt Hummel. But Kurt only sees him as a friend. So maybe this is the best and most he can get. It's better than nothing, isn't it? Because it is painfully obvious that Blaine is notoriously unable to stay away from Kurt.


	6. All The Lonely People

Dave isn't sure what's going on, and his companion has been far from cooperative in communicating with him. He got a text around lunch, requesting information about the best available party in Columbus tonight. Dave wasn't sure what to answer, considering he wasn't the biggest party animal. He's still working himself rough to make a good impression on the team, and especially on Coach Springer. Avoiding alcohol, or at least not getting plastered, is top priority on his list. He's made a few friends from some of his classes, and even more acquaintances on the team, but he hasn't taken in the full college experience yet. The first month has been busy getting settled in his single room (perk of being here on a scholarship), finding his way in a city he's only been to a couple of times before, choosing classes and electives, figuring out laundry, meals and other chores he no longer has parental guidance for in immediate proximity, and trying to be economically sensible among all the freedom, responsibilities, temptations and possibilities.

Dave Karofsky is growing up.

Currently, he's leaning against a wall in some frat house, observing his friend dancing like he finally has no worries in this world. When he asked around, he got this place recommended, as it was known for great, but safe parties. Decent guys with plenty of beer, good music, always friendly towards new faces. That's the common feedback he got when asking around, so he hopes it's a safe place for Sebastian to let loose. The Buckeyes isn't the only reason for Dave to stay sober, though. He wants to keep an eye on Sebastian, just in case. He didn't exactly ask his college friends and acquaintances if they knew of any gay-supportive parties, so he wants to make sure neither suddenly find themselves in trouble. That's why he's refused to dance with Sebastian, when he asked after two beers. Now, after five beers, he seems happy to dance on his own lost in the crowd. But Dave still nurses his soda, waiting patiently for the other boy to let whatever bothered him out through partying.

* * *

"You're hot. Why are you so hot?" Sebastian whispers loudly into Dave's ear. He's shivering in the cold autumn night, but he'd insisted on leaving his coat in his car when they went to the party. He's now leaning heavily against Dave, pressing himself close as if he's soaking up Dave's warmth. He'd offered the drunk boy his jacket, but Sebastian had snorted how he was no damsel in distress, and stumbled determinedly in the wrong direction until Dave rolled his eyes and led him by the elbow towards his dorm building.

Dave tries to enter the five-digit code to enter his dorm building before the red light flashes, signaling the time is out, but it isn't easy with Sebastian leaning against him and breathing heavily against his neck, hands in Dave's jacket pockets for some unknown reason.

"Where are we going?" Sebastian asks worriedly as Dave finally gets the door open, and he's relieved that even if the boy is plastered, he has some sense and defense mechanisms kicking in to find out where he is - and hopefully, wanting to keep himself safe.

"To my room," Dave explains patiently.

"Kinky Kofsky," Sebastian purrs. It doesn't make sense, but Dave still smiles at him.

"We're going to sleep."

"Slumber party? I could get down with that," Sebastian says, putting on his worst street accent.

Fortunately, Dave's room is on the second floor, so they don't have miles and miles of stairs to conquer.

"You're strong. Have you been working out?" Sebastian purrs, following limply as Dave wraps a solid arm around him to help him up.

"I'm on the Buckeyes. Of course I work out."

"You think you're so clever," Sebastian scoffs.

"No, not really," Dave says patiently, and tightens his grip on the boy when he trips on the last step.

"I want a burger. And marshmallows," Sebastian says petulantly.

"I asked if you were hungry before we went inside. You said no."

"Wasn't hungry then," he slurs.

"Climbing stairs builds up an appetite, does it?"

Sebastian stops abruptly, and frames Dave's face with his hands.

"You _are_ clever," he grins, and smacks a wet kiss to his cheek.

"I have a bag of potato chips in my room, you can have that," Dave explains calmly, although his heart is racing from Sebastian's proximity, clinginess and drunken tactile affection.

With some difficulty, Dave manages to guide Sebastian the rest of the way to his room. Fortunately, he has his own bathroom, so he doesn't have to worry about manhandling Sebastian to several rooms. He does, however, have to stop Sebastian from stripping completely when he suggests he gets ready for bed.

"It's a bed, I'm supposed to be naked on it," Sebastian hisses wide-eyed.

"I would really prefer if you wore something. You can borrow one of my t-shirts."

"You think I'm so repulsive your dick shrinks," Sebastian accuses, and he honestly sounds hurt.

"Hey, no," Dave says soothingly, trying to ignore all the naked skin, and wraps his distressed friend up in a tight hug. "You're really handsome, but you still need to get dressed," he says to the boy, who's wearing nothing but boxer shorts and one sock. "I only want to have sex with a boyfriend," he explains. It's not something he's really thought much about, both the idea of having a boyfriend and having sex seem farfetched right now, he has more than enough on his plate simply coming to terms with being gay. It's still a scary, devastating thought.

"I don't do boyfriends," Sebastian murmurs against his neck.

"Then we won't do each other. Do you want to borrow a tooth brush?"

Dave helps him get ready for bed. Sebastian is so wasted, he doesn't know the difference between deodorant and toothpaste, so Dave walks him through it step by step. He makes a quick exit when Sebastian tries to pee in front of him, though. Sebastian is offered one of his t-shirts. It' oversized for his body frame, and he looks like a sad, tired young boy, standing forlorn on the floor in the big tee, still only one sock-clad foot.

He hasn't got a guest bed of any sorts, but that had been part of the deal when they texted earlier. They'd have to share the bed, if Sebastian didn't find someone to hook up with. Although, as he'd said, he rarely spent the night, so he'd probably crash in Dave's room anyway.

Dave guides Sebastian to his bed. He briefly considers who should be closest to the wall, before deciding that the drunken should probably have unrestrained access to the bathroom if he wakes up feeling sick. On second thought, he adds the wastebasket by the bedside.

They get settled, splitting pillows and covers between them as evenly as possible. Half asleep, Sebastian turns around and shuffles closer to Dave.

"I'm cold," he mumbles, and rests his head on Dave's shoulder.

Dave hesitantly wraps an arm around him, and after waiting a moment for any sign of protest pulls him closer. Hugging is one thing, dancing close is another thing, but cuddling in bed? That's something new and different entirely. Sebastian hums pleased, and shuffles even closer, resting an ankle between Dave's. Dave realizes this isn't something new for Sebastian – from what he says, he's been with lots of guys, so he should be an experienced bed-guest. But to Dave, this is something big. Somehow, it makes him feel as if he's acting on his sexuality, confirming it is true, real, a part of him. Even though nothing sexual is happening, his body and mind are well aware of this being completely different than cuddling with his little sister Michelle when she's had a nightmare.

He's glad he's sharing one of his firsts with Sebastian. He's glad he has a friend who is so thoroughly comfortable with his sexuality, and is supportive and encouraging in his own snarky way when Dave is taking his first hesitant steps towards finding himself. He's glad that the first time he gets to cuddle with a boy, it's a really good looking one who's also one of his best friends. Dave knows Sebastian doesn't do relationships, he's said so both sober and stupidly drunk, so it's obviously something he's intensely adamant about. But he'll appreciate him as a friend, at least. You can never have too many of those.

Sebastian snores lightly, and Dave grins, tucking his chin against Sebastian's head cradled in the crook of his neck. Like this, it's easy to forget about Sebastian's lofty attitude, snarky comeback, crass comments and unapproachable posture. But he's not fooling Dave. He's seen the cracks in the mask. He wonders what kind of scars the mask is supposed to cover up, though.

* * *

Sebastian is mostly silent the next morning. Dave can't quite read if it is from his hangover, or if he's embarrassed. Wordlessly, he offers him the shower, letting him borrow towels and toiletries. He brought an overnight bag, so he can change into his own clothes.

There's a deli just three blocks away, and Dave decides that's a better place for breakfast than the dining hall. He asks Sebastian for his opinion, though, but only receives a shrug in response. When they're there, Sebastian politely asks for a double espresso, and the greasiest burger they can create, extra pickles. Dave orders a simple ham and cheese-baguette and water, and Sebastian demands to pay for them both.

"It's the least I can do after drooling all over your pillows," he says, ignoring the tight face the cashier quickly develops at the mental image of the two boys sharing a bed. It's the first full sentence he's said since they woke up.

They sit down in a corner, and Dave decides he isn't patient enough to wait for Sebastian to deem it appropriate to talk.

"Gonna tell me what's going on?"

Sebastian looks at him, startled.

"My dad," he says finally. "We fought, on the phone. He wanted to set me up on a date for some diplomatic dinner he's hosting."

Dave raises his eyebrows in confusion.

"Some fancy-shmancy French connection is visiting, and was promised a _cavalier_ for his daughter," Sebastian says pointedly.

"Ah," Dave nods. "I can see why you wouldn't take that so well."

"I said if I didn't already know how homophobic he is, I'd tell him to shove it up his ass."

Dave chokes on his water.

"You said that to your dad?"

"Sure," Sebastian shrugs. "He's not really homophobic. He doesn't mind that I'm gay, as long as I settle down with a girl in the end and give him heirs."

"I'm sorry," Dave murmurs compassionately.

"Baby Bear, it's not anything you did or could prevent, so save the breath," Sebastian smirks, acting more like himself. Acting being the crucial word. But Dave doesn't know what to do to get him out of his costume.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" Sebastian asks carefully, while quickly putting on his sunglasses as they step out into the surprisingly bright sun.

"I have practice later, and some homework, but nothing major. Why?"

"I'm not sure I'm entirely sober yet. I should probably wait to drive back home…"

"Are you feeling sick?" Sebastian nods quietly. "We're soon back at my place, you can rest as long as you need."

"Thank you," Sebastian murmurs weakly.

It doesn't take long for Sebastian to fall asleep again. He's gone before Dave returns from the bathroom with a glass of water for him. He watches him from his desk for a long time, unable to focus on his books.

Sebastian ends up tagging along for football practice, claiming spending time in fresh air on the bleachers will do him good. He buys the biggest coffee-to-go they can find on their way, though.

Dave is jogging along the tracks to warm up, when Roberto catches up with him.

"Is he your boyfriend?" he asks, nodding at the bleachers where Sebastian is sitting.

"What, no!" Dave splutters, "Bas' is a friend," he says, and belatedly wonders if he by this confirms to be gay, and what happened to laying low?

"My bad. The way he keeps watching you I thought there had to be something," Roberto grins. "Piece of advice?"

Dave nods dumbly.

"I don't care which way you swing, and some of the other guys will be totally cool with it – if that's the case," he winks. "But a few of the guys can be assholes. Don't let them get to you, and tell Coach Springer if they bug you, okay?"

"Coach seems cool," Dave says, in lieu of confirming or denying his sexuality. He expects Roberto to run off again now that he's said what he had to say, but the young man follows Dave's pace.

"He is. Quickest way off the team is if you're a slacker, let football affect your other classes, or are a no-show. But he's actually human. I had a really bad case of the flu last year, and it temporarily affected my lung capacity. So we worked out a different strategy, where I lifted more weights than I did running, helped him analyze the games I couldn't play, and so on. So he's cool, if you've earned it and do your best."

"Have there been any gay players before?" Dave asks nonchalantly as they pass where Sebastian is sitting.

"Not while I've been on the team. But if you remember first team meeting, Coach said he didn't accept any kind of discrimination. We're a team and need to show good sportsmanship. I heard he kicked a guy off the team before I entered, for throwing racist comments at one of the guys after he fumbled the ball and lost them a game. Coach didn't like the N-word. He's not gonna like the F-word either," Roberto says pointedly at him, and Dave smiles gratefully.

By some unspoken agreement, Sebastian ends up spending the rest of the weekend with Dave. As his hangover dissipates, he turns more and more into the confident and snarky boy he usually is. While he looked like a lost, little boy when they went to bed the first night, the second night is initiated with innuendos and dirty jokes.

"I saw how you tackled that guy on the field earlier. You're going to make some bottom very happy one day," Sebastian grins.

"How do I know if I'm a top?" Dave boldly asks.

"If it gives you a boner, that's a pretty good sign," Sebastian smirks.

"Are you a top? Or a…"

"I'm not stupid. Sex is great, and being versatile increases the possibilities. But it has to be someone very… I don't bottom with just anyone. Never during one night-stands."

Dave assumes it's a question of trust and control. Maybe he's naïve, but he finds it sad that Sebastian goes out to have sex with guys he doesn't trust. Doesn't that remove some of the… fun and pleasure? If Sebastian let him, he'd take so good care of him. But it isn't easy, with the masks and barriers Sebastian surrounds him with. Dave wonders if he's ever let anyone in close before. He knows Sebastian doesn't have a lot of friends. He hardly ever speaks about anyone at Dalton, and when Dave asks about Kurt it's obvious that he doesn't spend any time with him – the information he gets is superficial and fragmented. Dave wonders just how lonely Sebastian is.


	7. Rather Alone Than Unhappy

**Happy Easter, everybody!**

* * *

Neither Blaine nor Kurt talk about what happened at the Warbler party, and they both dodge their friends' insistence on talking about seeing them making out. Blaine pretends to not remember it and Kurt claims he was drunk senseless.

* * *

Wes is worried about Blaine, knowing how hard he fell for the boy, and not sure if he's managed to move on. He keeps an eye on him, and tries to prevent the two boys from spending too much time alone. It isn't easy, though, with his Warbler commitments, schoolwork and college applications. They're almost halfway through October, and everyone seems invested in reminding him of how little time he has left before deadlines. He's stressed, short-tempered, and doesn't want to risk saying anything he regrets to Blaine. It's a difficult act of balance.

* * *

Jeff tries to talk with Kurt a couple of times.

"You're safe here. Nobody would mind if you started dating Blaine. Some of us would even be very happy for you."

He isn't sure what Kurt is feeling, but the boy is adamantly denying anything but friendship between the two of them. Jeff has a feeling he's lying, but he isn't sure if he's lying to Jeff, or if Kurt is lying to himself.

There are times Jeff enters their room, and finds Blaine and Kurt together, with homework, or a movie running on Kurt's laptop. Jeff may be naïve, but he is pretty sure he's almost walked in on them once or twice, he's pretty sure he recognizes the flushed faces from his own times with Nick. It's also beginning to look like more than a coincidence that Blaine and Kurt have some identical clothes. Jeff helped Kurt unpack, and there were a lot of memorable pants in his wardrobe, but no Dalton sweatpants or navy pajama.

* * *

Kurt tries to stay away from Blaine, he really does. But he remembers their talk in the beginning of the semester, and he doesn't want to abandon Blaine as a friend. He needs their friendship, and so does Blaine. But sometimes, they both need more.

When Kurt is rambling curses and profanities over an essay he doesn't have the concentration to write, Blaine is there to calm him down, soothingly talk him out of his frenzy and kiss him happier. When Kurt is having a minor panic attack, because they have PE the next day, and he is getting flashbacks to the locker rooms at McKinley, Blaine is there to distract him with his nimble tongue and vanishing gag reflex. When Blaine is upset after a phone call with his demanding father, Kurt is there for him to kiss it all better. When Blaine is trapped in self-deprecating thinking, Kurt is there to chase him out of the negative pattern just like he chases the orgasm out of him.

Kurt knows it isn't how most friends act, Santana and Brittany set aside, but as long as Blaine doesn't object, he doesn't mind. He doesn't want to take advantage of Blaine, but Blaine keeps coming back, so it has to be okay, right? They've established their friendship is important, and Blaine told him not to stay away. He said he'd deal with his feelings, which in Kurt's opinion is something that only makes a mess of things. He's still trying to ignore his heart nagging on him, reminding him that he's in love with Blaine. Things are only complicated when he remembers. When he ignores it, quells it down, it's easy to have a best friend he sometimes gets off with.

* * *

Blaine swallows heavily, and leaves the phone on his desk as he exits the room. His father called about his college applications. Again. Reminding him about deadlines, informing him he's sent letters of recommendation from a colleague in the satellite office in San Francisco to his top three priorities for Blaine.

There is only one thing Blaine needs now. Desperately. Like a Pavlovian response to any kind of hurt.

It's Jeff who opens the door.

"Is Kurt here?" Blaine sighs. Jeff nods. "Could I… I just need... Can I please be alone with him?"

"Yeah, sure," Jeff nods, looking worriedly at him.

"I don't want to kick you out, I just…"

"I understand, no worries man. He's your go to-person, we know that," Jeff smiles reassuringly. "I'll go mess with Nick's head, he's cramming for a geography test."

"Thank you," Blaine exhales gratefully, and steps in as Jeff leaves.

Kurt sits by his desk, earphones on, head bobbing to a beat while he types on his laptop. Probably the essay in English they have to hand in by the end of the week. Blaine is able to move all the way to the desk without being noticed, and mutes Kurt's phone. The boy looks up when the music disappears.

"Oh, hi, I didn't hear you," he exclaims, smiling brightly. Just seeing him helps Blaine feeling better. "Are you okay? You don't look okay," Kurt's face turns more serious, and he twirls the chair towards Blaine.

"I'm not okay," Blaine grits out through clenched feet. "My father…"

"Say no more," Kurt interrupts, "I understand." The sad thing is that he probably does. Blaine often goes Kurt when his father has upset him in some way. He gets up from the chair, and gives Blaine a warm, long hug. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I need you," Blaine admits, fisting Kurt's uniform shirt.

"Okay," Kurt whispers, "okay, you've got me, I'm here. Whatever you need."

Blaine could sob in relief, but instead kisses Kurt sweetly, trying to make it last, instead of the frantic need rushing through his veins. Kurt backs towards his bed, where they have to separate for a moment to crawl without falling. Kurt lies down on his back, and Blaine hoovers over him, kissing and kissing, while Kurt's hands are running slowly up and down his back, under his polo.

The kissing grows heated, needier, more intense, more wantonly. Kurt flips them over, and Blaine sinks halfway through the mattress, sighing relieved, and surrenders to Kurt.

Kurt's kissing along Blaine's jaw line, and after opening the belt buckle he manages to sneak his hand down his underwear. Long, nimble fingers are curled tenderly, but firmly, around his cock, slowly jerking Blaine off.

Blaine has closed his eyes, softly moaning, letting Kurt take his time. This is all about the journey; not the goal. Kurt is laying half on top of him, half on the mattress.

"You're so good to me," Blaine whimpers.

"And you're so good to touch," Kurt whispers. He's no porn star, and he has far from mastered dirty talking. But his goal is to make Blaine feel good, make him feel better, make him believe he matters to at least somebody when the world seems to be against him. "I enjoy touching you," he tells him. And it isn't a lie. He loves feeling the smooth skin on Blaine's dick, he loves to feel the weight in his hand, he loves to make him feel good. And he really, really loves the distraction.

He can tell Blaine is close, they've done this enough times for him to know the telltale signs by now. He's taking shorter, shallower, quicker breaths, lips parted, sweating, blinking more often, tensing his muscles. Blaine's cupped Kurt over his pants, and his fingers are tensing and relaxing along his hard length, not really enough to give Kurt any relief, but enough to keep him more than interested.

* * *

The afterglow fades away, and feels more like wet firecrackers than anything else. Blaine sighs sadly to himself.

"We can't do this anymore." Blaine's expression is both resigned and sincere.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asks confused.

"I… I can't be a part of this anymore, I can't be some benefit plaything, and I can't treat you like a bootie call. I'm only hurting myself, and I need to put myself first."

Kurt sits up, and buttons his pants.

"But… What changed?"

Blaine gets out of bed, and puts on the discharged shirt that ended curled up on the floor not even thirty minutes earlier. He sighs, and sits down in Kurt's office chair. He twirls around once, as if to see if the words are somewhere in the room.

"Kurt… I care so, so much about you. You're my best friend. But this isn't normal for friends to do. I want sex **and** a relationship. This pseudo-thing we have going on leaves me heartbroken. So I'd rather be alone than unhappy," Blaine chokes.

It's taken Blaine time to come to this realization, involving a lot of phone calls between him and Cooper. Blaine is too afraid of disappointing anyone to stand up for himself, Cooper keeps saying. But he has to put himself first, doing the things that's good for _him_. He needs to take control of the things he can steer in a chosen direction. He may be afraid of losing Kurt, but he can't lose himself either.

"I don't know what to say. I didn't know you felt so strong about… that," Kurt says, gesturing hesitantly between them. "I… I know you've brought up dating a couple of times, but I thought it was just for the cause of dating, you know, making me feel less cheap or whatever."

Blaine bolts up from the chair and lands on his knees on the floor in front of Kurt sitting on his bed.

"Kurt, I have _never_ seen you as something cheap. You're worth more than I can express," he insists, holding Kurt's hands.

Kurt takes his hands back.

"You've never made me feel cheap," he says softly. "I've just considered us _unconventional_. Or typically teenagers who screw around, I don't know."

Blaine gently brushes away some strains of hair stuck to Kurt's sweaty forehead. Kurt takes a deep breath and swallows heavily. It's such an intimate gesture. It's so wrong.

"You're so beautiful," Blaine murmurs, still touching his hair. Kurt thinks it's strange how that can feel more intimate than having Blaine's hand down his pants.

"Blaine," he says sternly, and removes Blaine's hand from his head. "I care for you as a friend, but we can't be anything more. I'm so grateful for having you in my life, but I can't offer anything but friendship."

"I don't understand," Blaine sighs. "We're good friends and we have the best chemistry in bed. I don't see it as a big leap to start dating. _Au contraire_, it seems both logical and natural."

Kurt blushes. He kind of likes it when Blaine speaks French, and they've spent more than one coffee break with Kurt as tutor.

"Blaine, I don't want you to grow dependent on me. I don't want you to feel any commitment to me. You deserve someone better; you deserve someone whole and sane. You know how broken I am, and I don't want to be your burden, and I don't want to be something that hurts you." Kurt tries to maintain eye contact with Blaine throughout his speech. "I can't do this to you."

Blaine lays his hand on top of Kurt's, holding it to his cheek.

"Kurt, I know your weaknesses, I think I know them better than I know your strengths. And I still care so intensely for you. I don't need or want some glittering knight on a white stallion to save me. Both you and I need to and are able to save ourselves. I adore everything I know about you. Kurt – you are perfect to me! I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just asking for you to give it a chance. Give us a chance," Blaine pleads.

"I can't, Blaine," Kurt chokes, shaking his head.

"Okay," Blaine whispers, fighting away the tears who want to escape. "I can't do _this_ anymore. But I'll always be your friend, if you want me."

"I do," Kurt whispers, and lets his tears fall. He's so afraid of losing Blaine. He wants his friend to be happy, and he knows he can't give him that happiness, but Kurt is happy with Blaine in his life. So his selfish side wants to keep Blaine as close as possible.

"I'm glad… I… I think I need some space right now… But you're still my friend, okay?"

Kurt nods, and Blaine leans in, brushing a tender, barely there kiss against Kurt's lips, before leaving. It tastes like goodbye.

* * *

After classes the next day, Kurt takes his Navigator back to Lima. He surprises his family by joining them for Friday night dinner. He offers to help Carole with the dishes when they're done eating.

"You seem lost in thought," she comments, and Kurt realizes he's been rubbing at the same spot on the plate.

"Oh, nothing important, Carole." He tries to laugh it off, but it's difficult when he feels like crying.

"No? You seem upset, Kurt."

Kurt smiles sadly. Even though he hasn't known Carole for a long time, she's developed a great sense to decode teenage boys. Kurt guesses she's had a lot of practice with Finn.

"It'll be fine, Blaine and I just had a minor disagreement yesterday, and it's still fresh. It'll heal, I'll move on, it's okay, Carole," Kurt smiles strained.

"You've been through a lot together and your friendship seems strong, I'm sure you'll work through this too."

Kurt nods and smiles.

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be fine when we get through the awkwardness."

"It must have been something big for you to think so much about it." Carole gives him that motherly smile that makes Kurt want to curl up in her arms and tell her everything.

Kurt surrenders, and decides to spill his fragile, little heart.

"Blaine kind of asked me out on a date."

Carole just smiles encouragingly at him.

"I don't think he should date me, and told him so," he shrugs. Her eyes are drilling through his brain, and he can't stop talking.

"Blaine is such a sweet soul. He's kind, caring, funny, smart, brave and so strong. But he's also fragile, hurt, and struggling with the same battles I'm going through. He deserves someone who can be there for him, who can be supportive, and who can help him grow instead of holding him back."

"So you don't think you can be that for him?"

"I know I'm not good enough for him."

"Did he say why he asked you out?"

Kurt hesitates.

"He did, didn't he?"

Kurt nods.

"He basically said he adored me for all my weaknesses and strengths and that I am perfect for him…" Kurt blushes; he still can't believe Blaine feels that way about him. His words seem unbelievable.

"You really care for him, don't you?"

Kurt nods again. There's no other answer possible.

"Why don't you trust Blaine to know what he needs and wants? He said you're perfect for him, and it doesn't sound like something he said on a whim."

"No… He's mentioned dating a couple of times before."

"Kurt, I can't tell you how you feel and what to do. But don't let yourself miss out on happiness because you're too strict on yourself."

"I don't want to risk our friendship," Kurt says stubbornly.

He doesn't want to admit Carole may have a point.

"I understand that, Kurt, but it seems as if your friendship already suffers. Can you honestly tell me you're happy now?"

"So you're telling me to jeopardize the rest of the friendship, now that it has cracks anyway?"

Kurt feels insulted that Carole doesn't understands just how important his friendship with Blaine is.

"Kurt' I'm not telling you to do anything but consider what Blaine tells you without thinking you have to protect him from yourself."

Kurt realizes the discussion is futile. Carole isn't able to see his point at all, so he decides to just placate her.

"I'll think about it, Carole. Thank you!"


	8. Even With My Dark Side

**I am physically unable to not update this quickly again, as I really want you to see what's going on. Consider it an Easter gift, because I have amazing readers, followers and reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, just my own Ester snacks.**

* * *

After Blaine's confrontation, he stays away from Kurt for a while. It would be too easy to return to their usual pattern, it's too easy to let temptation win and fall back into Kurt's arms. Blaine knows rationally that it has to stop, no matter how much he wants and enjoys the little game of pretended relationship.

He spends more time with Wes and David, and he has a hunch Nick and Jeff are staying with Kurt. He knows they saw their display at the party and are convinced something is going on, but he isn't sure if Nick and Jeff are keeping Kurt away from Blaine in a misguided effort to help or if they are staying with Kurt to make sure he's okay.

Blaine doesn't understand what goes on in Kurt's head. He just wants to be with him, he just wants to love him. Why won't Kurt let him? Why won't he believe that they could be amazing together? Why is he so opposed to being with Blaine? Why isn't Blaine good enough?

The defeat is eating at him, and so is the constant emails and phone calls from his father, asking about his application forms and essays, wanting to read and edit, constantly pointing out potential for improvement, making Blaine feel as if he isn't good enough.

The silver lining is Cooper's daily phone calls. He's trying to help Blaine figure out what he wants, but he has no idea. He just knows that he doesn't want to study law or business in California, or work in his father's company in San Francisco. Sure, he had childhood dreams, but he isn't good enough for those anymore.

* * *

"I get that you don't want to talk about it, but you can't keep it in for much longer, Blaine, this isn't healthy behaviour," Wes says worriedly, nailing him with his piercing eyes. "You need to let it out."

"What does this look like?" Blaine huffs, and throws his boxing gloves onto his bed.

"It looks like not enough," Wes says annoyingly pointedly.

"Well, what do you want me to do then? Find myself an appropriate god? Go back to the pills that numb me from feeling much? Eat my weight in gummy bears?"

"What about something actually helpful, an outlet for everything you're bottling up?" Wes parries, and Blaine can sense how his friend is finally losing his cool. "If you don't want to talk about it, can't you at least… I don't know, maybe sing about it?"

"Splendid idea," Blaine bites, narrowing his eyes.

Wes sighs, and gets up from his chair.

"I love you, and I want to help you, but you're not making it easy. I'll go see David for a while. Don't do anything stupid?" he pleads, and doesn't leave until Blaine nods.

Blaine won't do anything stupid. He's too sensible, mature, responsible and well-behaved to ever do something stupid. He's never been independent and strong enough to do something that would put an end to the hurt. Things certainly have been dark enough, but it's never been more than a wistful hope of simply not waking up the next morning. He's the picture perfect son, except how he isn't, with cracks revealing his dark sides.

He flips his laptop open, going to Youtube to skip around from song to song. Music always makes him feel better. Maybe he'll even find some jewels that can be new ear candy for a while.

* * *

Kurt is anxiously waiting for Wes to finally dismiss them, so he can get out of the room of bouncy Warblers with subpar understanding of personal space.

But instead, he's calling Blaine to the floor, and when Kurt surprised snaps his head in his direction, he doesn't look fazed by the Council's request. He simply gets up, smoothens down his blazer, and takes the spot by the Council desk.

"I would like to sing something. Feel free to back me up, if you know it," he says softly, but there's a hitch to his voice that Kurt doesn't recognize.

Before he's finished the intro of ooo'ing, Kurt knows which song it is, and his stomach knots painfully.

"_There's a place that I know. It's not pretty there, and few have ever gone. And if I show it to you now, will it make you run away?_"

David and Wes are already behind Blaine, offering a muffled beat.

"_Or will you stay, even if it hurts, even if I try to push you out? Will you return? And remind me who I really am, please remind me who I really am._"

Sebastian and a few of the other guys; Kurt hasn't cared sufficiently to get their names, join and their whistling blends in with the harmonies from Nick, Jeff and Thad.

"_Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect. But we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side?_"

Kurt is nailed to his seat, unable to move, unable to sing, unable to tear his eyes off Blaine. And with the rapidly growing lump in his throat; soon unable to breathe.

"_Don't run away, don't run away. Just promise me you will stay, promise me you will stay._"

Kurt's seen Blaine sing a lot of times, and he's often taken lead with the Warblers, but refusing to do so in public. But this is a first, and it's unnerving. The way he holds himself, the way he seems to be shaking, the way his voice is quivering, the way the lyrics hits too close…

"_Will you love me? Even with my dark side?_"

Blaine meets his eyes, gaze locked in a frightful battle.

Kurt doesn't wait for Wes' gavel, but runs away.

* * *

A few days later, Kurt is alone in his room, when someone knocks on the door. It's quite peculiar, because most of the boys would just walk right in. Blaine and the nurse are the few to knock.

His chin drops to the floor, almost literally, at the sight behind the door.

"Oh my God," he breathes. "You're Cooper Anderson!"

The man looks puzzled at his response, but quickly recovers, and smirks confidently.

"The one and only."

"You were in the Free Credit Rating Today commercial! I had that jingle as my ringtone for a long time," Kurt gushes.

"I see you're not entirely updated on my castings," Cooper says calmly, raising a disapproving eyebrow at him.

"I'll watch everything you're in," Kurt promises breathlessly.

"May I come in?" the most handsome man in North America asks patiently.

"Yes, yes, of course, where are my manners, come in, I'm sorry, I didn't expect visitors," Kurt rambles, trying to pick up and hide Jeff's sneakers from the floor and his own manicure set spread all over his desk as he gestures for Mr. Anderson to come in.

The older man sits down on the couch at Kurt's insistence, and declines politely when Kurt offers to run out for coffee, tea, water, beer, whatever. Kurt eventually calms down sufficiently to think straight. He takes a seat on the far end of the couch, with a respectable distance to the celebrity.

"I'm sorry for seeming confused, but I have to ask, Mr. Anderson. What are you doing here?"

"You know my brother, and I wanted to have a little chat."

"Your brother?" Kurt furrows his eyebrows. He may be a fan of the man, but he isn't enough of a stalker to check all kinds of personal information and learn everything about him from shoe size to family portraits. "I'm afraid I don't follow. I don't know any Ander… Oh! Oh… No? Are you? Is… Blaine?"

Mr. Anderson seems amused by the stream of revelations flickering over Kurt's face.

"That would be Squirt."

"You're Coop…" It hasn't ever struck Kurt that Blaine Anderson's brother Coop could be the talented and gorgeous Cooper Anderson. What would the odds be? How many is named Anderson in this country? And how many actors use artist names? Wow, good looks really run in this family, even though Kurt isn't able to identify any family traits yet. Maybe if he saw them together…

"Where **is** Blaine? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see the infamous Kurt Hummel," the man shrugs. Kurt blushes at both the attention and the description. "I'm not sure I appreciate the friendship with Blaine you are nurturing."

"What?" Kurt exclaims, all politeness blown away.

"It isn't healthy, the way Blaine keeps his hopes up for a relationship between the two of you."

"I've talked with him, I don't know how much clearer I can make it that nothing's going to happen between us," Kurt says apologetically.

"But that's not entirely true, is it? Things have been happening between you."

Kurt blushes furiously, and wonders what the hell Blaine has been telling his LA actor-brother.

"I worry about Blaine, and I don't want to see him hurt. He's had enough drama in his life, he deserves peace and quiet now. He deserves people loving him, unconditionally, helping him see how wonderful he is. He's such a people pleaser, bending backwards to make sure everyone around him is happy. It's about time he got to be happy too."

Cooper looks at Kurt with his piercing blue eyes, and Kurt almost drowns in them, it's like a hypnotic spell telling him what to do and how to act.

"I've never wanted to hurt him," Kurt murmurs, evading Cooper's soul searching eyes.

"I'm sure. But it's easy to step all over Blaine. He's all too willing to be a doormat, if it makes the people he cares about happy."

"I'm not **happy** about hurting Blaine," Kurt replies indignantly.

"Do you even hear how insane you sound?" Cooper snorts. "Just, don't take advantage of him, don't hurt him, and don't give him false hope. He's an odd kid. He can wear his heart on his sleeve, but he can also hide and bottle up emotions. It's not always easy to figure out how he really is doing, he's good with masks."

"I know," Kurt whispers. "I know what it's like."

The bigger brother gives him a long look, before he gets up from the couch.

"Don't forget my premiere over Christmas," he looks over his shoulder, before leaving.

* * *

It takes time for Blaine to get over the shock of having his brother on a surprise visit. Apparently, he wasn't too busy with closing up his movie to improvise a Blaine-stunt. He'd invited Blaine out for dinner, buttering him up with greasy burgers and rich chocolate cake. He didn't reveal his mission until Blaine was full, satisfied, happy and drowsy. That's when he went for the kill. He skipped the step called college applications entirely, and jumped ten years ahead in time, grilling Blaine on how he wants his life to be then. In the beginning, it's difficult for Blaine to imagine anything, but with the help from Cooper, he paints a slightly abstract picture of where he wants to be. He already knew it was far from doing business in San Francisco. He'd love to be close to Cooper, but he realizes he wants to be on the east coast. Probably mostly because it's never been a suggestion from his father, so circling in colleges in New York is a way to rebel against him. He's always been drawn to New York, intrigued by the big city and the potential to just blend in – quite ironic considering his fear of being in public, but he's more afraid of being seen than of being in a crowd.

They talk and talk about what he wants in life. It isn't an easy conversation, because Blaine merely sees limits, boundaries and obstacles. But Cooper is perpetually optimistic, and sees possibilities, options, dreams, endless chances and good changes.

Blaine is certain his anxieties and PTSD will make it impossible to make a living within the arts, while Cooper insists it's a question about faking it with his actor skills, and all the tricks he can teach Blaine to seem convincing.

"You're getting better," he says more seriously. "You're even singing with the Warblers now, which would have been unbelievable a year ago. Imagine where you can be in a year."

"I don't know…" Blaine mutters.

"You could be in New York, as a student at Tisch. Or Manhattan School of Music. Or any other school where you can do what you love. I heard you play over the summer. You're great. And some of that stuff was original work. We Anderson Brothers have gifts that shouldn't be wasted."

"But you have the passion and ambition to make it," Blaine points out.

"So do you, Squirt, it's just hidden deep in your heart. But it's there if you find the courage."

"I don't know, Coop…"

In the end, Cooper doesn't come any closer to a breakthrough that day, but he has a plan. He takes Blaine with him to his hotel, because he needs to convince Blaine to follow his heart without their parents interfering, thus he's incognito in Westerville, even though their childhood home isn't far away. Cooper pampers Blaine the entire weekend, making him all smiley and rested, and more approachable for suggestions, and Cooper slowly plants ideas in his head – ideas about applying to colleges in New York, and ignoring their father's plans in San Fran.

They have an impromptu slumber party, with night-time room service. Westerville doesn't offer the most luxurious hotel rooms, but Cooper is still able to charm the management into making them some 2 AM-grilled cheese and hot chocolate. They watch a really crappy movie, where Cooper keeps suggesting improvements and how he easily could have saved the film.

The next day he books them couple's massage, so they can talk in the same room while pretty people are rubbing their sore necks and backs. Cooper indiscreetly tries to find a male masseuse for Blaine, but his little brother quickly ends that project. Cooper reminds him of karaoke in LA, and how much fun they had this summer. He talks about the duets they created over the summer, and he encourages Blaine to talk about the Warblers.

They stay up long into morning, talking about the joy of creating art, and Cooper even coaxes Blaine into daydreaming about the cover of his first album. Sunday continues the same way, with brotherly fun and bonding, and Blaine growing more and more comfortable with the thought of standing up for himself, Cooper by his side, against their father's wishes.

When Cooper has to leave early Monday morning, he takes Blaine to the post office, before sending him in a taxi back to Dalton. At the post office, they ship off his applications for different music programs in the Big Apple, and as a back up-plan Blaine even applies to programs for teaching and social worker, so he has less stage fright-inducing alternatives at hand.

As Blaine steps out of the taxi, he feels optimistic and happy. It lasts until he gets to his room and finds his forgotten phone, and seven missed calls from his father.

* * *

"Where's Blaine?" Nick asks confused, and sits down by the breakfast table. He directs the questions primarily at Wes, the roommate.

"He's not having a very good morning," Wes says evasively. It's been almost two weeks since Blaine's brother came to visit, and Blaine has been increasingly morose, closing in on himself, listening to his father's long rants on the phone without getting a word in, frantically writing on applications for colleges on the west coast, and spending time with his gloves and punching bag.

"Do we need to call Bellefontaine?" Jeff asks, forgetting that Sebastian joined them.

"Maybe," Wes says courtly.

"What's in Bellefontaine?" Sebastian asks, not even trying to hide his curiosity.

"None of your damn business," Kurt barks quickly.

"Well excuse me," Sebastian rolls his eyes, "I didn't know a shithole in Ohio could be that sensitive. What the hell is of interest there?" he smirks.

Nobody answers, staring at their food, so Sebastian flips his phone out of his pocket and for the fun of it googles the name. The boys pay him no interest, until he whistles slowly.

"I be damned. That's the mental-place, isn't it?" It isn't really a question. "That's where he was before summer, and he's been there before. You met him there, didn't you?" he says calmly.

Kurt wonders if his heart stopped beating, and he must have had some visible reaction judging by Nick's firm hand on his shoulder.

"Little Dapper Blaineyboy has daddy issues, suffers from a dwarf complex, or what?"

"How dare you talk like that?" Kurt seethes. "Where is the respect and tolerance?"

"Sensitive, much?" Sebastian smirks.

"Do we have to remind you of the zero tolerance no bullying-policy," David says calmly.

"Blaine is our friend," Jeff says softly.

"Djeez, with the way you act you'd think you were his parents, or personal handlers. Poor boy must be missing his balls," Sebastian grunts. He gets up from his chair, and leaves the boys perplexed.

"Well, that was rude," Nick scoffs.

* * *

Kurt runs into Sebastian on his way to the upperclassmen floor with two cups of coffee, Sebastian skipping down the stairs.

"Oh, if it isn't the afternoon babysitter for Dapper McAnderson, and his caffeine fix," Sebastian smirks.

"What's your problem?" Kurt seethes, clutching so hard to the cardboard cups he fear they might break.

"Does the truth hurt?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I don't appreciate how you talk about my friend. Just because he's struggling and needs some help, doesn't give you the right to treat him like a spectacle."

"Funny," Sebastian says humorlessly. "You're one to talk, who lets the poor sucker pine for you like a hungry puppy, and make out with him at parties, but won't date him. Oh come on," he comments Kurt's dumbfounded look. "I heard what he sung; it's not as if it was a randomly chosen number. Anyone could see how Blaine spent last semester giving you heart eyes. You both look like the boring monogamous type, and you obviously find him attractive enough to shove your tongue down his throat, but oh no, you can't be bothered to date him."

"That has nothing to do with Blaine, and everything to do with me," Kurt scoffs. He's furious at Sebastian's nerve, and infuriated by how he dares speak his mind like that. "I'm not not-dating Blaine because he's struggling; I'm not dating him because I'm still sick. And one day you're going to tell me how you know I was at Bellefontaine," he seethes.

"Precious," Sebastian drawls. "So you don't have any problems with Blaine's issues, but disqualify yourself for the same reason. You're a first class idiot. I suggest you stop acting like such a martyr, and do us all a favour – take the sodden boy out on a date, let him out of his misery, make yourself happy, and make me happy when I don't have to watch your moping faces around anymore."

With that, he hurries down the stairs, leaving Kurt gaping like a fish on dry land.

* * *

**Lyrics from:  
**Kelly Clarkson – _Dark Side_


	9. Twenty Roses

**Now haven't I spoiled you all, lately, by updating so often? It won't continue in this pace, I'm afraid, as it's affected my laundry and my other WIP No Regrets. But I just had to get these chapters off my chest, and when I then had them written down I was unable to keep them to myself for much longer. So here it is.**

**I am so grateful for all the feedback I've gotten for the previous chapters, and I will come back to reply to the reviews, I've just been busy editing this chapter, and I'm off on my Easter vacation in merely a few hours. **

**I hope you'll enjoy this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything else you might recognize.**

* * *

"Blaine, what is this nonsense I hear from your brother that you've applied to colleges in New York? I thought we had a plan. I'm so disappointed," the deep voice of Mr. Anderson looms through the phone.

Blaine blinks, and blinks again. He's not ready for this conversation, for this confrontation. He doesn't know when he will be, and in the joy of exploring his dreams with Cooper they forgot to make a plan for how to break the news to their father. Blaine had kind of hoped he could just send him a copy of the acceptance letters, and skip off to New York without addressing him.

"I've worked so hard to prepare a good life for you in the office, I've pulled every string available to improve your chances of being accepted. Do you know the amount of phone calls I've made to make sure you have an intern-position waiting when you move to San Francisco?"

Blaine swallows, and swallows again. He tries to moisten his suddenly desert dry throat, but it's futile. He doesn't know what he'd say to his father anyway, he doesn't know which words would placate him, and he doesn't know if there are any words in the American language that could make his father understand. He doesn't remember why he thought he'd be able to go to New York.

"I want my sons to live good lives, is it too much for a father to want his son to have a stable future with job opportunities? Look at your brother, wasting college to pursue acting. Mr. O'Donald has a son two years younger than Cooper, and he followed his father's advice, and is currently head of his department with a six digit monthly pay check. You kids are so naïve and unrealistic, you need to know that parental life experience can only guide you right."

Blaine nods, and nods again. He knows his father can't see him, obviously, but it's a reflex. It's probably for the better that this conversation is over the phone, and not face to face. He doesn't know where his father is at the moment, he's more often travelling in his job than he is at home. Mr. Anderson is really good at what he does, and his insight and analytical brain is sought after in most of the satellite offices. He obviously knows best.

"I don't even know what you intend to do in New York. That damn brother of yours refuse to let me know which colleges you've applied to. We've had this planned since before Dalton, and then all of a sudden on a teenage whimsical impulse you throw it all away, and want to go to New York without a real plan, without connections, without a proper network – you know we don't have a solid satellite in New York. It feels as if I don't even know you anymore, Blaine."

Blaine isn't able to remind his father he's also applied to colleges on the west coast. Just because Cooper doesn't know, doesn't mean it didn't happen. Blaine isn't able to tell his father how going to New York has been a quelled dream his brother managed to resurrect. Blaine isn't able to tell his father that the so-called plan of _theirs_ has never been more than his father's plan. Blaine isn't able to tell his father that he probably never has known Blaine.

* * *

"No Blainey-boy this morning?" Sebastian greets them and sits down by the breakfast table. Kurt bristles possessively at the boy's interest in Blaine.

"Something happened last night, and his doctor wanted to see him," Wes says calmly, but voice lowered so nobody but the boys around the table can risk hearing it.

"And with doctor you mean shrink?" Sebastian asks, and Wes nods minutely, looking unpleased.

Kurt still struggles to hear what Wes is saying over the rush in his head. Blaine experienced something last night, and he didn't come to Kurt? With a bitter taste, Kurt remembers how Blaine a month ago put an end to their… arrangement. They've hung out after that, with other friends, but never talked about anything substantial. Kurt's simply assumed Blaine was doing fine. For his own minor crisis', he's taken advantage of advice from his therapist Christy, and writes it all off of his chest. Even when he struggles to find suitable words for his homework, or when he doesn't know how to phrase anything to talk it out with anyone, he's still able to write in his diary. It doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to be full sentences and perfect grammar, it doesn't have to be articulated, it doesn't have to even be what he's feeling. But it's a cleansing process, and if it doesn't help him unload his fears and worries and hunting memories, at least it's a distracting activity. Last night he'd ended up writing a short humorous stub on tomatoes, and then a haiku about an orgasm. Kurt's learned he enjoys writing, especially if it isn't done as a task given by a teacher, and he's free to use his imagination and creativity. Three nights ago he wrote a long monologue about being in prison, and he may not have read a lot of Freud, but even Kurt knows it was a metaphor for how he feels trapped in his own head. But it felt good, pseudo-writing about his feelings. He's been feeling better lately – far between the nightmares, sleeping better, more energized undoubtedly as a consequence, getting a B on a test he struggled with but conquered, hanging out with some of the boys on the floor without jumping at their loud fun… Yeah, Kurt Hummel is feeling quite decent. And he's assumed Blaine felt the same way, with how at ease he's seemed, and how he hasn't sought out Kurt for any private time.

Kurt shouldn't have been fooled by the masks Blaine puts on. He anxiously wonders what happened last night, but he doesn't want to ask now. The fabulous five may tell each other everything, and the remaining four may be well aware of every why and how and what when it comes to Blaine's health. But Kurt doesn't want to include Sebastian in this. So he waits patiently until breakfast, classes, lunch, more classes, Warblers and dinner have passed, before approaching Wes.

"How bad was it?" he asks without preamble.

Wes looks at him for a long while through the door opening. He doesn't invite him in, but he doesn't close the door on him either, which Kurt takes as a good sign considering how hostile he's acted towards Kurt lately.

"Bad," Wes says curtly. "I don't know the details, but his father must have tripped him up. He was on the phone with him, and it was followed by an anxiety attack. Dr. Whimchester wanted him back to Bellefontaine for observation a day or two."

"Would it be okay to call him?" Kurt pleads, worried about Blaine and wanting to help him however he can.

"The doctor told him to leave his phone here. I guess he didn't want Mr. Anderson or anyone else to interfere negatively when he's this vulnerable."

"But how could this happen? He's been on the phone with his father several times without being so affected," Kurt asks confused.

Wes sighs, and looks towards the sky, as if he's praying for help.

"With all respect, Kurt, but you are probably one of the more selfish kids I've met. Don't you understand how important you are to Blaine? Don't you see that spending time with you has made him better? I know you've hurt him, but I also know that your friendship is important to Blaine, and whatever you've been doing in privacy has helped Blaine a lot. You understand him better than anyone, and with you he's lowered his defences in a way he never does around us. With you, he had an outlet and a confidant. I don't know what changed, but when he stopped spending so much time with you, he inevitably kept everything inside until it wore him down."

Kurt is unable to do anything but gape at the young man, and his scolding.

"Now excuse me, I have a French poem to analyse."

With that, Wes softly closes the door, because Dalton men do not slam the doors no matter how upset they are.

Kurt forces his jaws to shut his mouth, and walks in a daze back to his room.

He knows he's hurt Blaine, that was the reason for transferring back to McKinley. He knows he loves Blaine, and he knows Blaine loved him. He knows he values their friendship higher than anything. But he never considered how important it might be for Blaine. He never realized he could do and be something good for Blaine. He never thought he was an asset in his life. He was so convinced… He was so convinced he came with so much baggage and had so many demons and obstacles, that he could only be a burden. He easily convinced himself he wasn't good enough.

While all the while Blaine needed him? Felt better with him in his life? Flourished in his presence? It wasn't just about hormones and attraction, but when Blaine pushed for more, it was on a foundation of true, solid feelings? Blaine truly wanted him as a boyfriend, and not simply to make the sex less cheap, but because he honestly cherished Kurt's company? Thinking they could work as boyfriends isn't just Blaine being hopeful, but something he already knew and experienced?

Oh God, Kurt's been so, so stupid! He's been oblivious, selfish, too proud, narrowminded, a true idiot. He refused something that could have been really great, for both of them.

And how many knew? How many hasn't told Kurt to go for it? Carole did, Jeff did, even Cooper freaking Anderson talked about his relationship with Blaine. Wes seems like he hates the idea, but still prefers if it happens over the misery Blaine is in now. And Sebastian? Woah, that had been an eye opener about how Kurt sees both himself and Blaine. That was a much needed reality check. Now Wes. And then there were Blaine's song…

He faceplants on bed, not even toeing off his shoes first.

"Are you okay?" Jeff asks concerned from his bed, reading Batwoman.

"I just realized I've made the biggest mistake of my life," Kurt growls into his pillow.

"Most things can be fixed," Jeff shrugs, and Kurt can feel his gentle eyes on him. "Not everything is a take it or forever leave it-deal."

"I'm pretty sure the train has left the station."

"Then you jump on board the next train and catch up on the end station, to see if you really are too late, or if a new opportunity can be given."

"Do you even know what I'm talking about?" Kurt asks confused and curious.

"Do you really want to risk missing out on something great, because he might have moved on?"

* * *

Kurt skips breakfast the next morning. Because he doesn't have the first two classes, he has ample time to do some research. He needs to do something, but he doesn't know what. Google has all the answers, right?

After an hour of fruitless surfing, he takes a deep breath, and does a quick search. He finds a florist in Bellefontaine with online order-options. He doesn't expect Blaine to know flower symbolism, and it's not as if Kurt knew everything before he researched it. But he orders 20 roses, because they mean _Believe me, I am sincere towards you_. He lets ten of them be red, because it means _courage _and_ respect_, and _I love you_. The other ten he orders are yellow, as in _I care, welcome back, new beginnings_…

It takes time to compose the perfect card, also because the space available is limited.

_I don't expect you can ever love me again. But I need you to know that I've loved you for a long time. You are loved. Kurt._

A tiny part of Kurt considers this action too optimistic, uncharacteristically hopeful for him, and completely out of order to spring on Blaine like that. But if Blaine is struggling after a phone call with his father which Kurt can only imagine lacked understanding and care, it is even more important that Blaine knows that he is still loved. His family isn't all he's got. He can have more. If he can love Kurt again.

Kurt takes a deep breath, double checks the credit card-information and the address to the mental youth ward in Bellefontaine, closes his eyes and thinks he was less scared of some of the jocks at McKinley than he is of this.

He clicks send.

* * *

The rest of the day disappears in a fog. He knows he had lunch, he knows he was in classes, he knows he answered a pop quiz, but he doesn't know anything. He feels as if he's shaking from nerves, and the adrenaline rush he felt by hitting the send-button is soon replaced by cold and fear. Jeff seems to understand something is off, and acts like his shadow. He steers him into the right classroom, he carries his lunch tray when his hands are shaking too much, and he finally tells him to see the school nurse with how pale and sweaty he looks. Kurt tries to object, but the dizzy spell that makes him stumble and dive onto a desk if Nick hadn't caught him, convinces him. He knows he isn't physically sick. He's sick from fear. But obviously, upset stomachs and shaky bodies don't care about reasons.

The school nurse says he has a small fever, and sends him to bed with two water bottles and four pills. She excuses him from classes next day, and tells him to get as much sleep as possible.

In his room, he quickly changes into pyjamas. He considers a shower for his sweaty body, but his legs feels like jello, and he doesn't want to live through the embarrassment of Jeff walking in on him fainted in the shower. But he texts Jeff about his bed rest, so that he won't worry. He swallows two painkillers along with one of his sleeping pills, and buries deep in his covers.

He wakes up, disoriented and bleary eyed. Jeff is curled up in bed, so it must be late. Kurt checks his phone, and it's actually quite early. Almost five o' clock in the morning. But bladders have no concept of day or night, so he does his business. He remembers the nurse telling him to take this day off, so he downs two more pills with half a bottle of water, hoping he won't wake up too soon needing to pee again.

The next time he wakes up, he's dreaming about trying to sleep in a construction site, but banging and hammering is keeping him awake. He takes a large gulp of the water, and flips the pillow over to the cooler side, hoping to sleep without stupid dreams. Except, the knocking is still occurring. He shakes his head in confusion. A quick glance at his phone reveals it's around lunch. Maybe Jeff forgot his key?

Trying to get his dry eyes to open properly, he shuffles over to the door, feet cringing on the November-cold floor. With a hand covering a yawn, he opens the door, and without looking steps aside and gestures for Jeff to get inside.

"Did you mean it?" a warm, very familiar, but awfully shaken voice says. It's the wake up-call Kurt needs.

"Blaine…?" He's standing there, in front of him, in his cute duffel coat and scarf still tucked around his neck and covering his chin, a carryon slung over his shoulder, and a bouquet of 20 roses, ten yellow and ten red, clutched in his hands.

"Did you mean it?" Blaine repeats, and there are tears in his voice.

"Yes," Kurt answers quickly. "Every words is true. I've been afraid of listening to my heart, and I was convinced I couldn't be someone's boyfriend. But I keep learning new things about myself," Kurt laughs humourlessly. "And I wanted you to have that, at least. Someone loves you. Someone thinks the world about you." Kurt wraps his arms around himself defensively, feeling so, so naked. But it's worth it from how Blaine's eyes shine, how his smile grows on his face, and how he drops his bag on the floor somehow without damaging the bouquet.

"It's impossible to stop loving you," Blaine whispers, but the beaming smile reveals he isn't sad about it.

"You… still love me?" Kurt hesitates, not daring to get his hopes up.

"I'll always love you," the other boy answers easily, as if it's the most obvious truth.

Kurt has to say this, because he doesn't know if Blaine has it in him to ask for it again, and he needs him to know that he wants this, he needs to make sure, they can't misunderstand this, some words must be spoken right now.

"Be my boyfriend?"

He steals himself for rejection, still not daring to believe that Blaine can love him after all they've been through and everything Kurt has done to him. And even if Blaine still loves him, he may not want to be involved with him. Kurt may have managed to scare him off, once and for all, with his constant selfish rejections.

"Of course, Silly, always," Blaine chokes, and high on happiness, Kurt is already meeting him halfway when he leans in to kiss him.


	10. Fairytale Ending

**Such a busy week, and not enough time to write or reply to my darling reviewers and messengers. But things are hopefully calming down a bit now, so I can spend more time in this world I so enjoy to be a part of.**

**Thank you for the overwhelming feedback after last chapter - I'm glad to share your happiness from having the boys finally together!**

**Remember I want to be spoiler free, I've only seen up to Frenemies so far.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, otherwise it would be ridiculous to claim spoiler free zone.**

* * *

"Do you think they've hooked up again?" Nick sighs.

"No", Jeff replies instantly, with conviction. He watches the two boys in Kurt's bed, and he just knows that this is different. For one thing, they've never ever walked in on Blaine and Kurt, catching them red-handed. There has, however, been more than once that one of the boys have fallen asleep during a movie night on the other. Them cuddling isn't unfamiliar.

But there's something about the boys that makes Jeff trust this is something profound, something real, something new. It's not simply because they are dressed, and have fallen asleep on top of Kurt's bedcovers. It's not because of the bouquet on Kurt's desk. It's not even because of the weird fact that Blaine is back without anyone knowing – every time he's returned from Bellefontaine they've been given notice, and Wes has been bossing them around to prepare his welcome back-party.

It's the way Blaine is sleeping pressed close next to Kurt, his head hidden against his chest, and Kurt's arms wrapped almost protectively around him, fingers sprawled as if to cover as much of him as possible. It's the dried tear stains on Kurt's face, but his sweet smile contrasting any sadness, even in his sleep. It's the way Blaine's trapped one of Kurt's ankles between his feet. It's the way they both are sleeping so peacefully, which is a rare sight, Jeff knows all too well how restlessly Kurt can sleep, and have even experienced a few nightmares. But this is deep sleep, this is safety and trust. It's the gut feeling that they've walked in on something private.

"No," Jeff repeats, squeezing Nick's hand in his. "This is more. This is better. This is progress. Let's go. They'll tell us when they're ready. We can mess with the other boys in the meantime. You can count to a hundred in German while Wes does his French, or we can pour baking soda in Sebastian's chemistry experiment, okay?"

Nick looks at him silently, but squeezes his hand back.

"I hope you're right," he murmurs. "I…"

Blaine shifts, and Nick shuts his mouth to avoid waking the two of them up. Kurt tightens his arms around Blaine, and shuffles slightly closer as if he cannot bare being separated even an inch from him.

Jeff gives them a last glance, before walking after Nick, with a big smile on his face. He has a good feeling about this.

* * *

Dave pulls a t-shirt over his head as he opens the door. He'd just come out of the shower when he heard the knock. Roberto must be early. They are supposed to go bowling with some of the guys on the team, and Roberto is picking up Dave as he doesn't know where it is. But unless time sped up while Dave was in the shower, he should still have plenty of time to get dressed.

"Oh…" he hears a voice exhale, and he tugs at his tee to get his head through the neckline.

"Sebastian?"

The boy isn't meeting his eyes, and seems to be transfixed by something far below Dave's eyes. Self-consciously, Dave covers his half-naked torso entirely, tucking his t-shirt into his pants.

"I'm sorry, but have I forgotten something? Were we supposed to hang out today?"

"No," Sebastian sighs and shakes his head. "I should have called or texted or something, but I just… I had to get out of that school."

Dave looks worriedly at his friend. He doesn't bother asking _are you okay_, because the answer is obvious.

"Well, my door is always open for you, you know that?" Pointedly, Dave opens the door further, and gestures for Sebastian to come inside. The boy smiles gratefully at him, and steps inside, ducking his head as if the ceiling is much lower in Dave's room. Dave is so confused, doesn't Sebastian know that they're friends and he'll always be there for him? He shouldn't need to look so surprised.

Sebastian slumps down on Dave's bed, yanking off his jacket roughly. Dave thinks he has two options. He can ask him to join bowling, or he can cancel on the guys. He's not sure if the other boy needs to talk, or just wants to hang out and do something else. Either way, Dave finishes getting dressed; buttoning up a shirt and putting on socks.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asks, hoping it won't take too long before he can figure out his mood and needs.

"I guess you don't have a minibar here?" Sebastian snorts, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Dave grins at him, and finds two bottles of soda in his mini-fridge for them. They clink the plastic bottlenecks, making a dull thump.

"Your crib looks great," Sebastian says conversationally. "You've managed to make it more personal, more you."

Dave shrugs awkwardly, and looks at some of the adjustments he's done since the last time Sebastian visited him. Some new pictures, some Buckeyes stuff, more schoolbooks, and he thinks his room looks more lived-in now. His mom might call it messy, but he likes seeing his things. It makes him feel less homesick, more at home.

"It's okay, I guess. Why did you leave Dalton?"

"I need to blow out some steam. Or have some steam blown," he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"So you went to the virgin mostly in the closet," Dave deadpans.

"As I've said before - I could teach you a thing or two," Sebastian continues, but there's no snap to his voice, no real humour in his eyes. He just looks distant.

"Why don't we keep this oral for now? Oh my God, keep it vocally, okay?" he hurriedly adds when Sebastian almost spits out his coke at Dave's words. "If you need to talk, I'll listen."

"I don't _need_ to talk," Sebastian says exasperatedly.

"Of course you don't," Dave scoffs, "you're far too cool to _need_ anything, except a good drink and an even better fuck. But if you _want_ to talk, I'm here."

"Fuck you," Sebastian laughs, shaking his head in obvious amusement.

"Take me out to dinner and a movie first," Dave quips back, trying to focus on being a friend, a friend that isn't wondering how it would be to add 'boy' in front of that term.

"We can call for a pizza and find something on Netflix, but that's as far as I'm willing to go," Sebastian smirks.

"Anything that makes you talk."

"I'm afraid I only know how to make people shut up or scream with my dick. Never made them have a serious conversation that way," Sebastian muses.

"Okay, that's it. I'm gonna text my friends and tell them something came up, you're not gonna make awful jokes about anything else coming up, and then we're gonna talk, because frankly you look like shit and act like a child."

"Are you sure? It involves Kurt," Sebastian says hesitantly.

Dave's heart skips a beat, and he isn't sure if it is of fear, or from expectations to get updates on Kurt.

"I don't see how that should change anything," Dave says calmly. "I'm here for you."

Sebastian looks at him for a long, uncomfortable time, and Dave itches to hide behind a football or a concrete wall.

"Thank you," he finally says, almost tenderly. He takes Dave's chin between his thumb and index finger, and kisses his cheek. "You're… You're a good young man," he says and lets go of Dave.

Dave fumbles with his phone, and it takes some time before he remembers how it works, and how to text Roberto to cancel their plans.

* * *

Blaine stretches lazily, scrunching his eyes tighter, revelling in the feeling of waking up from great sleep, but stiffens when he feels another body. Curiously, he opens his eyes, and looks right into Kurt's open eyes.

"Hi," he smiles lazily, memories rushing through him, and Kurt returns the smile. His arms are wrapped around Blaine's waist, and tighten their hold around him. Blaine cups his cheek, and leans in to peck him softly. He really, really hopes that's something they do now.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you," he smiles bashfully, feeling embarrassed that they didn't even get to talk. He basically knocked on Kurt's door, asked him if he meant it, was completely surprised by Kurt asking him to be his boyfriend, and then they fell into each other's arms, kissed their way to bed, and fell asleep after some more kissing. Blaine can't help but giggle, like some teenage… Well, he is a teenager who finally got the boy of his dreams. He can allow himself to act less than a mature, dapper Warbler.

"What?" Kurt chuckles.

"_You_ are my boyfriend. You are my _boyfriend_!"

Kurt hums happily, and closes the minor distance between their faces to leave a tender peck on his lips. Blaine wraps the arm he isn't lying on around Kurt's waist, and they both pull the other closer.

"But we still need to talk," Blaine says more seriously. He's not sure what happened and how Kurt came to make an 180 like this. And he needs to know what will happen next. _They_ need to communicate.

"I know. I'll do better from now on, I promise," Kurt says, his voice trembling.

"Hey, no, this is something we do together. This is something we'll figure out together. We've both made mistakes, but this is a new beginning."

"How can you be so calm and… laidback about this?"

Blaine moves his hand to rest over Kurt's heart.

"Because I love you."

"I'm scared," Kurt whispers, and a few tears escape down his face, trickling over the bridge of his nose.

"Oh Kurt, and you think I'm not?" Blaine whispers back. Somehow it seems wrong to talk normally just yet. "I'm petrified. But I do think you are worth it."

Kurt sobs loudly, once, but leans in to kiss him. "Okay," he whispers. "We can do this."

"We are doing this."

"I do love you too," he nods, reaching behind him towards his nightstand, fumbling to get his phone. "Dinner is still served. Do you want to go and eat?"

"I'd rather not. As soon as our friends see me, they'll go their usual crazy. If it is possible, I'd prefer that we talk this through before I show my face."

"I understand," Kurt smiles crookedly. "I'm not sure if Wes is your faithful disciple or your over-protective big brother. But he wouldn't let go of you for the next 24 hours."

"Exactly," Blaine laughs. "Bless his heart, but everything in due time."

They briefly discuss if they need to find any food to replace the dinner, but decide they can make something in the dorm kitchen later. For now they need and want to talk. They sit up, facing each other, holding both hands together between them.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when your flowers came yesterday," Blaine smiles, shaking his head at the still raw memory.

Nurse Margaret came to his room right before dinner, with something wrapped up in her arms. It was obviously flowers, but he didn't know from whom or what kind, so he'd been excited and expectant when he begun unpeeling the paper. His first thought was Cooper – it would be just like him to make that kind of gesture. But he wasn't sure if he knew about Blaine's recent return to Bellefontaine. He'd only come yesterday, after all. So maybe it was from his friends at Dalton? Who else could know and care enough to send him flowers?

Unwillingly, his heart picked up speed at the sight of twenty roses. It was too romantic for an old-fashioned soul as his. He'd have thought Jeff would suggest sunflowers to cheer him up, Wes would probably suggest an orchid because it lasts longer and thus is more practical, Nick might have suggested fake flowers because he is lazy and messy when it comes to cleaning and tidying, and David probably would have asked the florist for advice. So the ten red and ten yellow roses were a surprise, and almost mocked his broken heart.

And then he'd read the card…

He's not ashamed to admit he cried then. Learning that Kurt did love him, that he hadn't made anything of it up in his mind, or completely misunderstood and misread something, was too much to take in. Kurt admitting it, getting it confirmed from the source himself… Why would he say that now? Why hadn't he told Blaine earlier? Why had he refused to go out on a date, if he loved him?

Nurse Margaret had come back then with an empty milk cartoon for the flowers – glass vases not allowed in the rooms. She had taken one look at him, and promised to bring dinner to his room.

He hadn't been able to eat a single bite, spending every second thinking about Kurt's card and what it meant. It required a lot of pain, confusion, angst and even anger to figure it all out. The main question was what he should do now. Was he strong enough to go back for one more try? Kurt's card, although lovely, didn't really say anything about what Kurt wanted. He even assumed Blaine didn't love him anymore! Could Blaine face him and risk a new rejection? Would he survive it? Was it worth the risk? Or was it time to move on, protect himself and his heart better than he's done so far?

The questions and pondering had kept him awake all night, but when Nurse Matthew came by his room in the morning, Blaine had a plan.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't brave enough to say what I hoped for, wanted with the flowers," Kurt murmurs, and sniffs. Blaine lets go of his hand to wipe his tears off of his cheek. "I'm not sure it was the right thing to do, sending those flowers, but after talking with Wes I was one-tracked and determined to make sure you knew someone loved you, no matter what your family makes you feel…"

"I'm glad you sent the flowers," Blaine nods. "I love them. I needed them, for so many reasons. I'm glad I came back," Blaine ducks his head.

"If I didn't already know the ending, I'd be anxiously holding my breath by now. But tell me more anyway," Kurt encourages, adjusting his hands to lace their fingers together.

Blaine lifts his head to look at his brand new boyfriend with a shy smile. This is good. They're talking, they're listening, they're communicating, they aren't jumping to conclusions or fast-forwarding. Kurt really wants to hear. There's so much Blaine wants to hear from Kurt too, and he can only hope that he'll be willing to tell.

"Do you remember much from the routines at Bellefontaine?"

"I think I remember most of it," Kurt shrugs, looking curiously at him.

"Yeah, so during the morning meeting I asked to see Dr. Whimchester as soon as possible. I wasn't supposed to see him today, giving me time to digest some heavy conversations we had yesterday, I guess. I probably worried him, made him think something bad was about to happen, a meltdown or a breakdown or something," Blaine chuckles awkwardly. "I didn't mean to worry him, but I couldn't say in a few words what I needed to discuss either," he sighs.

"You're too kind," Kurt murmurs. "So I assume you got a session with him?"

"Yeah," Blaine nods.

The doctor had appeared soon after, and they had talked for a long time. Blaine told him about the flowers, he told him how Kurt and he had been navigating towards something, but both being scared to take the finale step to something committing.

"That's an awful proper way to describe hooking up," Kurt murmurs with a sadness to his voice, so Blaine leans in to kiss him quickly.

"You've never been a simple hook-up for me. I could never have done anything like this with anyone but you. You're special to me, in every single way possible."

Kurt blushes so cutely, and lifts one of Blaine's hands to kiss his knuckles.

"So the doctor gave you thumbs up for getting some and told you to go back to Dalton for more?"

"That's exactly what happened, and I'm so glad you know the doctor so well," Blaine grins.

Kurt laughs with him, and he continues to tell about his morning at Bellefontaine. He told the doctor how his father manages to puncture his courage and drive time after time, he told the doctor how he lost all will to fight with just a missed call from his father, and he told how defeated and lost he felt. And then he told him how Kurt made him feel braver and stronger, and how Kurt's mere existence makes him want to try. And now, with the flowers and the card and the potential for finally something more, he really wants to try again. He needed to get out of Dalton for a time-out from his father, but the flowers make him want to run back to Dalton to fight for Kurt, fight for them, fight for himself. He may not have much left if this fails, but he's willing to take that risk, because he has everything to win.

"And then you came knocking on my door?" Kurt smiles tearily.

"Not yet. The doc wasn't terribly excited about my plan," Blaine says ruefully. "It took a lot to convince him, and he paused our session a couple of times so that we could think separately. But I wouldn't relent, I knew I wanted to come back here, I was impatient to see you."

"So how did you convince him?"

"He saw my determination, and said he'd never seen me that focused. If I was this passionate and serious about it, he wouldn't stop me. I may also have said something about how I'm over 18 now, so I could technically demand to be signed out at my own risk."

"But he let you go?"

"Yes, after he saw my resilience throughout the entire day, and made sure I have his number on speed dial if I should be rejected."

"Why do I feel as if you had to conquer some evil wizard before you could ask for my hand?"

"Because sometimes life can in fact be a fairytale?"


	11. Everything Is Right

**I'm so happy about the feedback I've gotten for the last chapters of this, and I'm glad to have you with me as we follow the boys together on their continued journey.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you might recognize.**

* * *

"May I ask what made you change your mind? You've seen quite… adamant to not date me," Blaine had asked softly, forcing a break from making out with his justified question.

Kurt had sat up straighter, knowing this wasn't quickly answered. He realized they may actually be talking for quite some time, so he had relocated to sit against the wall with a pillow in his back, and Blaine copied his move. He then took Kurt's hand in his, as if to ground him or remind him that he was still there, still his.

Kurt wasn't sure about the difference between full disclosure and oversharing, but considering their fatal mistakes in the past, he decided to tell Blaine as must as possible. So he told him about the different people who had helped him gain a better understanding and reach the point where admitting how he felt was inevitable. He told Blaine about the conversation with Carole. He told Blaine about Cooper's visit, which made Blaine groan from second-hand embarrassment and stutter out an apology. Kurt kissed him silent again. Then he told Blaine about the things Wes had said.

"But who really got me thinking, was Sebastian. He made me realize I wasn't treating you fairly. I accused him of reinforcing the stigmas within psychiatric health and mental illness, with his rude comments and offhand nicknames. But he made me see I wasn't much better, treating you like something fragile and incapacitated. I'm _so_ sorry!" Kurt whispers, trying to not cry _again_.

"I never understood why you were so opposed to dating me, and in the end I couldn't deal with all your mixed signals," Blaine sighs, leaning closer, and Kurt wraps an arm around his shoulders without thinking.

"I was trying to protect you," he confesses.

"From what?" Blaine mumbles confused, head tucked against Kurt's chest.

"From me."

Blaine bolts up straight, and looks at him with a scandalized gaze. Kurt tries to explain how he was afraid of hurting Blaine, how he thinks he's damaged goods, how he didn't want to be a burden for Blaine, how he didn't want to be a boyfriend that held Blaine back, how he doesn't feel as if he deserves someone like Blaine, how he just wants everything good in life for Blaine.

"But I _love_ you," Blaine says disbelieving. "I love _you_!" He takes Kurt's hands in his, lacing their fingers together, and holds tight. "You're perfect for me. And if you're right that you're not good enough, then I'm not good enough either.

"But you are, you really are," Kurt insists.

"Good. So let's just… I don't care about medical records. I care about you. We may have different obstacles than other couples, but everyone has issues. Ours are just… less mainstream?"

"And who wants to be like everybody else anyway?" Kurt puts on a haughty expression, making Blaine smile. "I love you too, you know," he adds softly.

"So now what?" Blaine smiles ruefully.

"We lock the door and ignore the real world?"

"Seriously, Kurt. How do you want this to play out? What do you want?"

"It's not just about me, you know."

"I know. But we have to talk about this too."

Kurt groans, and tries to hide his face in Blaine's soft knitted sweater.

"I'm scared," he finally admits, "of how the others will react."

"I don't think Wes is really mad at you. He'll be happy for us. And he's the scariest of our friends."

"I'm not only thinking about them. I'm worrying about every single Warbler, and then the rest of the student mass."

"That's a lot of fear," Blaine nods against Kurt's head, and runs his hand under Kurt's wrinkled sleep-clothes to caress his naked back.

"I don't know what to expect, and I can't prepare when I don't know how they'll react."

"You've seen how Nick and Jeff live out their relationship?"

"Yes, and it helps," Kurt says, curving his spine to chase Blaine's hand. "But I'm still scared. Can we just… Take it slow with our PDR?"

"PDR?"

"Public Display of Relationship."

"Of course," Blaine chuckles. "I want you to be comfortable, so that I can be comfortable too. But I think it'll be difficult to keep it a secret for our roommates, at least."

"Yeah, I guess they should be informed about the latest news."

Kurt's phone chirps with an incoming message, and he reluctantly separates from Blaine to check it. He blushes as he reads the text from Jeff, and groans when he notices how close it is to curfew.

"What?" Blaine laughs, pulling Kurt back to their previous cuddling position.

"It seems as if Nick and Jeff walked in on us while we were sleeping. And now Jeff is trying to ask subtly if he should find somewhere else to sleep tonight."

"Oh!" Blaine exclaims, blushing too. "No, no, I'll go, of course, we're not kicking out our roommates for that. Umm, does that mean they know?"

"I'm not sure what they assume. I guess I should tell Jeff tonight?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Blaine nods, "and I'll tell Wes."

"What's the point?" Kurt groans. "By now probably everyone thinks they know something anyway."

"Why would they know?" Blaine asks confused.

"Because Jeff and Nick saw us hours ago," Kurt deadpans.

"Yes? And?"

"Blaine. If a person sees something juicy, gossip-worthy, they don't keep it a secret."

"We do at Dalton," Blaine insists. "Sure, there may be some gossiping, but not about anything sensitive. I bet Nick and Jeff haven't told a soul."

Kurt downright laughs at that.

"Sure," he says, "because highschoolers are known for their tact and courteous behaviour."

"I bet you anything I'm right," Blaine smiles smugly.

"That confident, huh? Okay, when we get it confirmed that I'm right, you're taking me out on an extravagant date."

"And when you have to face defeat, you're getting me a new bowtie."

They shake hands on the agreement.

* * *

Dave thought he'd have to pry for the longest time before Sebastian would open up, but he talks surprisingly easily.

"I'm just really tired," he sighs, rubbing his hands across his face. "It's been some rough days."

Dave nods silently, sitting next to him in his bed. Dave may not be the most tactile guy, but part of him just wants to hug Sebastian until he smiles again.

"You'd think attending an all boys-school would mean avoiding some of the useless drama you otherwise find in high schools, but Dalton most certainly isn't following that prediction. And I just…" Sebastian sighs, and takes a sip of his soda. "I'm useless with drama. I know it would be wiser to just butt out of it, but I can't help interfering. And I'm not good with these kinds of confrontations, and end up pushing myself too far. I just wish I didn't give a shit."

Dave doesn't understand even half of what Sebastian is talking about, but he thinks it's better to let him get it all out first, and rather ask questions later.

"And I know they think I'm some pompous jerk, some arrogant, heartless bastard. They don't know what I've been through. They don't know what I have to do every day to move on. They don't know me. Fuck…"

_I'm beginning to know you_, Dave thinks. _I see you wearing masks, and I can see outlines of what you're hiding. You're actually quite similar to Kurt; hiding behind snark and insults to pretend something doesn't hurt you. As if you're invincible if you bark before anyone can bite._

Dave shifts, so he sits closer to Sebastian. He's not going to push the boy to open up, who's actually said more than he hoped for. He knows Sebastian is lonely, doesn't have any close friends, doesn't easily trust. Dave isn't gonna abuse the friendship they have by forcing more out of 'Bas before he's ready. But he wonders what made such a mess of him.

Sebastian is sitting with his back straight, all tense and uncomfortable. He's looking straight ahead of him, avoiding Dave's eyes, and he wonders if the boy is embarrassed for opening up, for admitting weakness. Doesn't he realize what a relief it is to Dave to see that he's actually human too? He can see him blinking repeatedly, and Dave aches to comfort him.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Dave suggests instead, and Sebastian nods eagerly, looking relieved.

Dave excuses himself to use the bathroom, and points at his DVD-collection so that Sebastian can pick something. He doesn't really need to pee, but he wants to give the boy a moment alone to compose himself.

* * *

Five minutes before curfew, someone knocks heavily on the door before opening it and stepping inside, one hand covering their eyes.

Kurt does the only sensible thing, and throws a pillow at Jeff.

"Are you decent?" Jeff grins, still refusing to open his eyes.

"Yes, and I'm alone, thank you very much," Kurt replies haughtily, mock offended.

"You weren't earlier, though," Jeff teases, and finally looks at him. He picks up Kurt's pillow and walks over to him.

"Umm, no," Kurt admits, and hates how instantly he's blushing.

"Anything you'd like to share?" Jeff still teases, nudging his shoulder against his.

Kurt looks at him through narrowed eyes.

"You know, don't you?"

"All I know is that Nick and I walked in on something so cute it could be a Hallmark card for LGBTQ rights," Jeff winks

"Oh God," Kurt groans, resting his head on top of his bent knees. He startles when Jeff rests his hand on his shoulder, but Jeff doesn't remove it, and Kurt is glad. He feels as if he might float and disappear through the ceiling, elated from all kinds of emotions, and Jeff is keeping him grounded. Literally. Or metaphorically. Kurt is too tired to decide.

"Are you okay?" Jeff asks, sounding concerned.

"I'm just a little overwhelmed," Kurt whispers. "I've never been anyone's boyfriend before."

"But you are now, right?" Jeff asks eagerly, and Kurt has barely nodded once before the boy is glomping him in a tight hug.

"So no more hooking up, just sweeeet loooving from now on?" he giggles.

"How did you know about that?" Kurt bites, sitting up straight, and feeling his heart beat frantically, maniacally.

"I live with you, remember? I've seen you in sweatpants that didn't fit you a time or two, so I assumed. And there's something about the ease you have with Blaine, how more relaxed and at ease you seem around him than us. It made me think of intimacy and trust."

"Wow…"

"Nick and I have discussed it, but we haven't told anyone. I think it was easier for us to see it, because we saw the changes in Blaine too. And we know what it's like to be scared and gay, and what a relief it is to find someone… Well, someone who helps you unwind and relieve stress," Jeff wiggles his eyebrows teasingly.

"Oh…"

"We're happy for the two of you," Jeff says more softly, and squeezes his shoulder gently. "You're both good guys, and we've been rooting for you."

"You have?"

"Yeah, of course we have. It was pretty obvious that Blaine is crazy about you when you transferred, and we've just waited for your heart to catch you. So, tell me all about it. Was it romantic, did he sing to you, did he go down on one knee, did he use pigeons, and did he escape from Bellefontaine to declare his undying love, but was captured by the evil guards and brought back against his will?"

Kurt can't help but laugh at Jeff's antics.

"Considering I did most of the work, you'll have to ask Blaine if it was romantic. He should be in his room, here, now."

"What, and you don't tell me that until after curfew? I have to wait until tomorrow to ask him? Screw that, I'm texting him."

Kurt laughs, and scoots out of bed.

"I've been awake for a couple of hours now, so my body is exhausted and my soul is in shock. I'll take a quick shower before I go to bed."

"I hear you. But you look much better than you did this morning."

Kurt smiles timidly at the boy, and gathers his PJ, underwear and a towel.

"Hey Jeff?" he turns in the door to their shared bathroom. "Thank you. Just… Thank you."

* * *

When Blaine unlocks the familiar door to his dorm, he catches Wes by surprise, who's on his way out. Frantically, Wes rips his phone out of his pocket and checks it carefully.

"Why have I not been informed about your return?" he asks worriedly, pocketing his phone again. "I know you deliberately left your phone here, but you could have called me from the ward," he says, sounding almost hurt.

"I didn't tell anyone," Blaine soothes him, and slips inside, dumping his bag and toing off his shoes before carefully lowering the bouquet of roses onto his bedside table. He really, really needs a vase.

"Are those from Cooper?"

"No," Blaine shakes his head, and can't help but smile fondly at the flowers.

"Your parents?" Wes asks, sounding awfully hopeful.

Blaine can't give more than a disbelieving snort to that.

"They're from Kurt."

"They're from Kurt?"

Blaine turns around, and knows he's smiling like a fool.

"He _loves_ me…"

Even Blaine can hear how drugged and high he sounds. Well, screw it, he is high on love.

"So now what?"

"We're boyfriends!" Blaine all but squeals.

"I'm… I'm happy for you if this is what you want. But don't rush anything, okay?"

"I met him a year ago," Blaine chuckles. "I'm pretty sure there's nothing rushed about this."

Wes looks as if he wants to say something more, and stalls the time by shutting down his computer.

"Congratulations," he finally says. "I hope he'll make you happy."

Blaine has a feeling that wasn't what Wes wanted to say, but he doesn't push it.

* * *

Jeff had squinted at his own alarm clock, when Kurt's phone tore the boy out of bed. It was at least an hour until Jeff would see any reason to wake up, so he'd just turned around, pulled the covers up over his ears, and blocked out the sounds of Kurt silently getting ready for… something god-awful early.

He had kept drifting in and out of sleep, though, and had registered the soft knock on their door thirty minutes later. Kurt had quickly moved to open it, as if he had been expecting someone. It could only mean it was Blaine, Jeff made a calculated guess.

"Good morning," Blaine greeted, and was that the scent of coffee? Jeff had felt too drowsy to move, so he had remained in bed, floating in that weird state of neither sleeping nor being awake. "Are you ready for our walk in the park?"

"I'm just gonna find a scarf," Kurt whispered. He moved around, silently, and Jeff had tried to guess what he did while keeping his eyes closed.

"Here, let me…" Blaine had said, and Jeff had dared peaking at the boy adjusting Kurt's woollen scarf. He quickly closed his eyes again when Blaine backed Kurt up to the wall, moving the boy so he was right in Jeff's line of sight – and the other way around.

"_Luce dei miei occhi_…" Blaine had murmured, and even Jeff's toes had curled at that. Who can resist Italian flirting?

"I have no idea what that means, but it sounds pretty," Kurt had murmured back.

"_Vita mia, cuore mio_."

And then it had gotten silent. Really, really silent.

"Just because I can't hear anything, doesn't mean I don't know you're making out," Jeff had grunted tiredly, and his underdeveloped evil counterpart had thrilled at the outbursts of surprise (Blaine) and embarrassment (Kurt).

"Okay, we'll just go…"

"To the park," Blaine had added unnecessarily, and then they were gone.

Jeff had grinned at the ceiling, flipping his pillow over, and decided to sleep some more.

That had been then, and now he's sitting with the guys, hurriedly shovelling down breakfast before his first class. He had updated Nick on the current situation, and they had both been excited about teasing the new couple in their honeymoon-stage. But Kurt and Blaine aren't acting any differently from before, as if they haven't just gone from friends to boyfriends. It puzzles Jeff, and Nick silently agrees with him to hold back all the well-meaning and cute comments they had been looking forward to dish out.

Wes is looking quizzically at the two boys too, but he seems almost furious. Jeff takes for granted that David knows too, and with the way he's holding up a whispered monologue with Wes, Jeff just knows that David is on top of Wes' almost murderous look.

This is a really weird morning, and if it hadn't been for Wes, Jeff would have assumed he'd dreamt the last 12 hours and nothing had changed anyway.

Jeff keeps an eye on the new couple for the rest of the day, as far as possible with mismatching and busy schedules. He sees them properly for lunch again, though. They've already picked up their food by the time Nick and he join their table. Their chairs are pulled closer than usual, and they seem riveted by their private, hushed conversation, leaning close towards the other. They straighten up when they notice their company, though.

"Are you having a good day?" Nick asks them.

"The best," Blaine sighs, and for a brief moment he looks adoringly at Kurt, before composing his face to something less dreamy.

"Me too," Kurt murmurs shyly, and his eyes dart quickly in Blaine's direction.

Jeff smiles. Gosh, those boys are adorable! He's not sure why they are being so secretive, but he isn't worried. Everything is right.

* * *

**Italian in italics (!), and means this:**

Luce dei miei occhi – light of my eyes  
Vita mia – my life  
Cuore mio – my heart

Thank you so much to SofiaKaiEleutheria, who helped me with this.  
And if someone needs a reminder - Blaine is half Italian in this 'verse, with his Italian mother and American dad.


	12. Paternal Love

**I'm so ashamed of how belated this update is, but life has been really good and really busy, and time flies when you're having fun, and there are only 24 hours in a day, and suddenly weeks have passed without any time for me to write :(**

**But here we have an update, at least, I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

Having a boyfriend is simply amazing, and Blaine is in lack of words to describe how he's feeling. Even though they are taking it slow, simply knowing Kurt loves him makes his day.

After a week, they've established some kind of pattern, where Blaine picks up Kurt early in the morning, before most of the boarders are even out of bed, and they go for a long walk in the park. They talk, about classes and music, about snow and beach, and any random topic that comes up. Their conversations may not be of the deepest, but they've just gone though some seriously heavy talks, and it's good to just be for a while. Inferno shows up a couple of times, joining them on their exploration of the park. They walk hand in hand, with Inferno trotting around them, stopping to sniff here and take a leak there. It feels really… natural and normal. Blaine likes feeling normal, for a change. They often end up on a bench, kissing until they have to rush back for classes. One day, it's raining heavily, and they seek refuge in the library instead. In a secluded corner, there's a group of chairs for quiet reading. They pull two chairs closer, and whisper together while their hands are linked on the armrests, ready to let go if anyone should come by.

The rest of the school day is spent as before: Blaine is trying to act like the friends they used to be, not letting anything show. It's difficult, but he does it, because it's what Kurt needs. It takes a lot of self-restraint not to just take his hand, or look at him with more intensity than a friend would do, or sit so close that their thighs and shoulders are brushing. He wants all that, but he wants Kurt more, so he patiently waits until they're back in Kurt's room to act even remotely affectionately. They tend to spend more time in Kurt's room than in Blaine's, as Kurt easily picked up on Wes' foul mood. Blaine isn't sure what his problem is, and can't do anything but repeat how happy he is until his friend and roommate gets it. So they spend time in Kurt's room for homework, napping, or not watching a movie while they kiss and cuddle. Their physicality is actually surprisingly innocent, considering their past, but Blaine doesn't mind kissing. He's wanted to be Kurt's boyfriend for so long, how can he not enjoy every single moment of it finally happening?

Then comes Thanksgiving weekend, and Blaine feels silly for having to fight tears back when they say goodbye on the empty parking lot. But he's gotten so used to seeing his boyfriend each day, and the thought of not seeing him until Monday chokes him up. It's not as if they can meet during the weekend either, because with the fragile health of Blaine's mom, they've relocated back to LA. So he's flying across the country to spend the holiday with them, while Kurt obviously will be in Lima.

"I love you," Kurt whispers against his lips, one last time, before Blaine finally backs out of his open car window and lets him drive off. He already misses Kurt, when his taxi shows up a few minutes later to take him to the airport.

Thanksgiving brings surprises. For once, dinner is shared with the four Anderson's, without any extra guests – no business associates, no distant relatives, no family friends, nobody who needs to be impressed or entertained. It's just… family.

It always takes some time for Blaine to adjust, both to the unfamiliar time zone and the unfamiliar family. He doesn't have enough late experience living with them, and he needs a day to remember how to be part of a mature, classy family – and not some teenage frat-aspiration.

His mom seems to understand, and is letting him be while he reorganizes his brain. She hugs him, with her tiny fragile body, and she repeatedly offers him cookies (made by the maid, but homemade nevertheless) and tea. He tries to explain how he prefers coffee, but his mom objects, saying her bambino is far from old enough for that yet. She dotes on him, in that hesitant and almost invisible way she always does. He sits down by the piano, because he knows it makes her happy, and she sits silent in a rocking chair under a thick quilt, eyes closed and just listens.

His father said "they need to talk", though, and Blaine isn't able to completely let go and relax as long as that hangs over his head, but he isn't ready to face his father yet either. So he musters enough courage to make sure they can talk on Friday. The advantage of having a busy business-man for father, is his penchant for penciling in any kind of appointment in his schedule. Even those with his children.

Cooper is being Cooper, showering him in attention and madness. He takes him out for bro bonding when he picks him up at the airport, and he hardly leaves him alone. Blaine isn't stupid; he knows Cooper is trying to prevent any alone-time between father and son, is offering himself as a buffer and a filter. Blaine is so, so grateful. He wants to tell his brother about his boyfriend, but he's saving it for after the conversation with his father, storing up on all the good things for the aftermath.

Finally being Kurt's boyfriend, means that the boy has exploded – or more accurately, is trying to make his phone explode. Kurt loves to text. Fortunately, Blaine loves texting too. He loves the frequent live updates Kurt sends him, and offers both comments and some snapshots of his own Thanksgiving.

_Carole is going all Martha Stewart, insisting on making the cranberry sauce from scratch. I feel like such trailer trash for insisting on the canned version… But it tastes good, and it's *tradition*._

_Cooper just suggested fish for Thanksgiving dinner, because they quote unquote have less personality than a turkey._

_Tina and Mercedes are taking me out for Black Friday-shopping. Anything you want? I know you don't like malls._

_That's the understatement of the year, Kurt…_

_You're beautiful in your way, 'cause god makes no mistakes. […] Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set._

_That's precious coming from the atheist._

_I've never denounced my faith in Lady Gaga._

_I love you!_

_I love you, too. Finn wants us to make cookies. I think he needs some bonding-time._

_So you'll ignore me? ;)_

_Go play with your own brother ;)_

During Thanksgiving dinner, his father mentions how glad he is that Blaine came to his senses and applied to colleges on the west coast. Blaine tries to avoid Cooper's burning gaze. He manages to avoid any alone-time with him for a while basically by hovering around their mom or locking himself in his room to do homework.

Friday evening, he finally has to face his father. Blaine considered calling Kurt for a quick pep talk, but he knows he's out shopping with his friends, so he doesn't want to disturb. He pays attention to picking out a proper outfit. Being well-dressed never fails to make him feel better in his own skin. You can go far with the right bowtie.

When Blaine walks down the stairs, headed for his father's home study, Cooper stops him halfway down.

"Remember that you are your own person. Whatever you want to do, you can do it. Don't let him tell you any differently, okay?" he rushes out, looking meaningfully at him, emphasized by his pointing finger.

Blaine nods, hearing his brother's advice, but not sure if he can act on it. Within soon, he's seated in one of the two chairs in front of his father's desk, the man placed on the other side with a stack of documents in front of him.

"Blaine," he smiles," I'm so happy we finally get to talk. I'm really excited about having you here on the west coast soon, and I have so many plans prepared for you already. You are in safe hands, Son," he nods confidently. Blaine swallows dryly, and listens to his father talk about the internship waiting, what kind of assignments he can expect, the importance of showing dedication and trustworthiness from the first moment, how he can work his way up the ladder to something great if he just wants and makes the effort. He talks about the college, what kind of classes he should take, what kind of combination would make him better prepared for work life. He talks about finding Blaine a small apartment in San Francisco, as he doesn't want him in the dorms with distractions and less than stellar study environments. He talks about everything he's planned, everything that is prepared or will be prepared. He talks about Blaine's life, and Blaine wonders where _he _disappeared. Is this what he's reduced to? Someone perpetually scared, who isn't able to be in charge of his own future?

* * *

Going home for Thanksgiving is like walking into some alternative dimension; a reality that could have been if not… If Kurt hadn't been so lonely and weak, if he hadn't been so affected by the bullying, if he hadn't landed himself a place in the mental ward for youth, if graduation hadn't been postponed by a year… Then maybe this could have been close to his reality – coming home for Thanksgiving from college in for instance New York, finding Burt and Carole bickering happily in the kitchen over healthy food versus Thanksgiving traditions, and listening to Finn talk about his college experiences.

It's pretty close, and he almost manages to forget how damaged he is, until he goes Black Friday-shopping with Tina and Mercedes. Listening to Tina talk about college applications and Mercedes about her new experiences in LA immediately wakes him up in bizarro land, where he still hasn't graduated.

Saturday finds him bent over his sewing machine, working with a piece of fabric he bought the day before, when his dad interrupts him.

"Do you have a moment, Kiddo?"

He tells him to sit down on the ottoman by the window, while he finishes the seam.

"What's up, Dad?" he asks with a smile, twirling his chair away from the desk and sewing equipment.

"We haven't really talked, and I wanted to know what's going on in my son's life. How are you?"

"Good," Kurt replies automatically, and Burt raises his eyebrows silently at him. "I'm better," Kurt adjusts his statement. "My sleep is mostly okay, classes are hard as in challenging me and not any longer making me feel left alone in some Chinese high school. Christy wants to cut down on my therapy and on my pills."

"That's good," Burt says calmly, "but I want to know how you are."

"I'm not sure what you want to know…"

"How are you feeling? What's going on in your head? What do you think about… your life?"

"Are you asking me if I'm feeling suicidal?" Kurt asks warily.

"No," Burt sighs, "but now that you mention it?"

"No," Kurt shakes his head adamantly. "No, I haven't thought about anything like that in a very long time. I have too many people in my life I don't want to hurt."

"I'm glad," Burt exhales. "But I want you to have good things that makes you want to live, Kid. You used to be so vibrant and joyful. Is there anything you want from life? Can we do anything for you? Have you applied to colleges yet?"

Kurt plucks at his cuticles, trying to will his dad out of the room. Of course, a Hummel isn't a Hummel if he isn't stubborn.

"No," he finally admits. "I haven't applied anywhere."

"Okay. It's not too late."

"I'm not going to," Kurt shakes his head. "I don't feel… ready," he says, a white lie of omission. He doesn't feel ready, because he is too broken to have anything in college to do. "I was hoping to stick around here, for a while," as long as 'a while' doesn't have to be defined that's not a lie either, "maybe help out in the garage or something?"

Burt rubs his hands tiredly across his face.

"As a good parent I should force you to apply somewhere, encourage you to get an education, make sure you have a future. But God knows I'm not ready to see you go yet either. Thinking I'd lost you… Jesus, Kurt… Your old man is selfish, and would love to see you stick around for one more year. Even if I have to spend a lot of time in DC, I'd be coming back home as often as possible with you here. The garage would be safe in your hands," he says, and they both hear the implied how Kurt would be safe in the garage too, among Burt's friends.

Dinner is interrupted by a phone call to Kurt's phone. He's well aware of his dad's no phones during dinner-policy, but he'll never not pick up Blaine's calls without good reason, so he excuses himself and disappears before anyone can object.

His dad looks annoyed when he returns, muttering something about how glad they are he could join the family during this holiday.

"Oh, come on, Dad," Kurt says snappier than intended, "this isn't Thanksgiving dinner. Besides, my boyfriend needed to ask me something, and he's as important to me as my family is."

One Hummel, one Hudson and one Hudson-Hummel look at him with very, very different expressions.

Blaine actually called to ask if it was okay to tell his brother about their newfound relationship, and Kurt never intended they couldn't tell people they trust. He intended to tell his family, but the right occasion never came, and he had wanted to present it as good news, with a timing that didn't compete for attention with football or Turkey or shopping or pie. He had planned to make more of an announcement out of it, but instead it became this off-hand declaration.

He watches his family with amusement. Finn seems to be thinking hard, looking puzzled at him. Carole's eyes are beaming through narrow slits, and her smile is too big to be sufficiently hidden behind her knuckles. And his dad is watching him, expression more blank than anything else.

"Is it anyone at McKinley?" Finn finally asks.

"No," Kurt shakes his head. "He's at Dalton."

"That makes sense," Finn says. "I couldn't think of anyone at McKinley. Hey, is it the short dude you made out with at my party?"

Kurt's eyes widen in surprise, as his dad wants to know when they've had a party under his roof. Finn clumsily explains about the party back in January. Carole nudges Kurt's foot under the table, and mouths "I'm so happy for you," and Kurt can't help but blush and preen.

Later in the evening, his dad seeks him out in his room again.

"So… This _short dude_ Finn mentioned. Does he have a name?"

"Blaine," Kurt says softly, slightly anxious as to how his dad will react. He's never been in this situation before.

"Why does it sound so familiar?" Burt wrinkles his forehead, and sits down on Kurt's bed. Kurt scoots over to sit closer, and picks up his phone, finding a proper picture of Blaine.

"He's a senior at Dalton, but we actually met at Bellefontaine. Remember I had a roommate for a while? That was him."

"He's not that short," Burt snorts, and Kurt wants to giggle at his dad's first reaction. "I don't remember him all that much, but he was a polite kid. Is he good to you?"

"The best," Kurt murmurs, swallowing the guilt for how he's treated Blaine.

"So how long have the two of you been dating?"

"Since the 19th," Kurt sighs, not judging himself for being the kind of guy who knows on the hour how long it's been.

"But you… 'made out'," his dad asks, using finger quotes, "in January."

"Spin the bottle got a little out of hand," Kurt waves it off, trying not to think about what happened later in this same bed. "There was an… Umm… Attraction. But we needed time to figure out stuff before we became boyfriends."

"Does he know…"

"He knows everything that happened. He has a past too. It's… It's his story to tell, but it isn't pretty."

"It usually isn't if you end up in a place like Bellefontaine," Burt says calmly, and wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders to pull him closer. "I'm happy for you, Kiddo. Bring him over some time, okay?"

"Thanks, Dad."

"So he's a senior?"

Kurt nods against his chest.

"What are his plans after graduation?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"But he's staying in Ohio?"

"I doubt it. Who'd want to stay here?" Kurt snorts, and his father looks pointedly at him. "Okay, I'm staying until I feel ready to leave. But Blaine doesn't like Ohio."

"While you're such a big fan, huh? Maybe you should talk about your plans? Figure out what to do if he does move?"

"Dad, it's a high school-romance. Of course it won't survive that long, there won't be any long distance-relationship issue to deal with," Kurt says nonchalantly, stretching his acting skills further than ever. He knows he'll break in ways that can never be fixed when Blaine inevitably ends it between them, but he doesn't expect Blaine to stand dealing with Kurt's issues for long.

"Kurt, I know you. You don't let anyone in easily. If you've let Blaine in this far, it's not as if you'll let him go just like that."

"There are two of us in this relationship," Kurt murmurs, and swallows silently.

"If the two of you had a thing back in January, but didn't become boyfriends until now, I'd say the boy must be crazy about you for waiting this long. I don't remember much from being a teenager, but a year was pretty much a lifetime back then. Don't let something stupid as graduation get between you. Promise me you'll talk about it? Doesn't he deserve your honesty?"

Oh, Burt Hummel plays a mean game, pulling out cards like those. But Kurt nods, and knows he'll keep this promise.

"I will talk with him about his college plans," he says, carefully choosing his words.

**Lyrics from:**

Lady Gaga – _Born This Way_


End file.
